Avere Un Piede Nella Fossa

[Cody Phoenix]

Imagine you're in the contours, at first in a pattern to rhythms unknown,
then you're born into this endless possibility called life trying to fit in alone,
it's a constant set of doors opening, closing, a future constantly molding,
every choice you make alters your ultimate fate, you are lost in this molten-
soliloquy of choices in a perpetual penultimate phase you traverse only once,
then comes a lace to a change; fates disarrayed- the divergence of love,
It is unwritten how these visions conflict and unfold out to this, but one way,
a hum within pray, some say, a bee with a buzz, the drum of the lake,
suddenly nothing, then flame!...something awakes as trust is embraced!
amazing how it quakes as the pieces fall into place, then it rumbles within,
the humbling wind of coupling begins, you've now paved the roads to
becoming the gift..



Now..with your muse of 'change' music plays as the dew from rain has collected,
a new face has erected from patience, you've mended a test of faith for affections!
it is a light in the cold black for a soul that's now its own little hum and your blessing,
you've fallen into the metronome of our ways molding a fate growing this place!
this home you have made so golden and saint, glowing with change, solely yours to embrace!
realizing your first parts of this life harbored the signs and now this is the first chapter of yours!
it is time to run back to those doors, explore beyond what happened before fashioning lore,
you are the paint to this canvas you're living with happiness given, so live asking for more
before your time is up as life becomes a twine undone...take a moment to remember
you weren't alone in the embers.


- - - Updated - - -
@Emily @Jukon @Hypotheses @Tim... I know you four would greatly appreciate something like this!

[Emily]

I don't remember getting a mention for this. I do remember you dropping a bigger piece though lol (as opposed to your haiku drop).
Sorry that this has been slept on. It guts me when I see people put effort into writing and then it gets little or no feed.
Half the time it's not because people haven't liked what they read, it's because we get a little lazy at times and simply put it off until later. And then for some of us, later never comes.
I clicked on your music link, it was a nice balance with the wording you have. Seemed to blend nicely.

Interesting self reflection in this piece. Lots of life lessons and a sense of confident knowledge, that go hand in hand with the
rhyme and flow. You're good with descriptions 'phX, the wording meshes well.

it's a constant set of doors opening, closing, a future constantly molding,
every choice you make alters your ultimate fate, you are lost in this molten-
soliloquy of choices in a perpetual penultimate phase you traverse only once,

Nice one. Cool alliteration also. You use literary devices in a way that aren't 'in ya face' but instead
smooth, in that they don't battle for top spot with the wording. They just add an essence of extra flavour
to an already an already tasty dish.

suddenly nothing, then flame!...something awakes as trust is embraced!
amazing how it quakes as the pieces fall into place, then it rumbles within,
the humbling wind of coupling begins, you've now paved the roads to
becoming the gift..

Now..with your muse of 'change' music plays as the dew from rain has collected,
a new face has erected from patience, you've mended a test of faith for affections!
it is a light in the cold black for a soul that's now its own little hum and your blessing,
you've fallen into the metronome of our ways molding a fate growing this place!

I like your mix of nature and emotion, kicking it together, works for me.

realizing your first parts of this life harbored the signs and now this is the first chapter of yours!
it is time to run back to those doors, explore beyond what happened before fashioning lore,
you are the paint to this canvas you're living with happiness given, so live asking for more

I also like the fact you're not sacrificing rhyme for story. The rhymes you have, belong.

...take a moment to remember
you weren't alone in the embers.

mmm, that's lovely. My favourite bit.

Very nice work, a pleasure to read. Imagery is alive and kicking, rhymes, flow, Idk, it all works for me.
I really like it.

Great Read 'phX
You know me too well. I do appreciate something like this.
Thank you.

[Cody Phoenix]

@Emily thanks so much for the lengthy feed, was a nice surprise to see for an especially gloomy day. I'm glad you liked it as well, I think my writtens sometimes gives people nostalgic feels.

[graf-x]

May I say before i give feed that your music link you posted but me in a trance - so much emotion into it -set the mood for the read -- so i read without the link....... then i read with the link to see if you had a certain flow to it... ahhh it does it does.. nice touch--
the title was a good touch. as i didnt know what it meant.. One foot in the grave??? am i right?? or close-- idk its what i got from looking it up anyways


i felt your wording here / flow / transitions were all above par---

your adjectives imo brought this piece out along with how you transitioned the syllable rhymes..

the message here was thought provoking as well, and I also liked the imagery it pulled me into - an orbit inside my mind being altered to life and i translated the meanings of certain lines that connected well.

It is unwritten how these visions conflict and unfold out to this, but one way,
a hum within pray, some say, a bee with a buzz, the drum of the lake,
suddenly nothing, then flame!...something awakes as trust is embraced!

dope lines here... imo this brought the imagery to balance out the emotion used in this piece..

what i got from this and correct me if im wrong but is the cycle of life... we are born unsure -- as mistakes are made we learn - then have our own kids --- knowing we are no longer alone - we teach them before we pass.......... ?? yay or nay -- if not thats how i interpreted it.

anyways dope read - i enjoyed the transitions. rhyme scheme. as it didnt feel forced and it mixed in with great imagery and emotion.. so i have to say overall this was a good read- thanks for sharing

[Cody Phoenix]

@mic s you are most certainly right, I wrote this with my son in mind. Yes, 'One Foot In The Grave' an Italian idiom, which I used to reference the whole piece!

[Cody Phoenix]

*cough