Atlas pt.2

[Truth Iscariot]

It's all on your shoulders....deal with it
But you can't show the struggle
It must be concealed within.
The will to lift boulders will burn, akin
To molten lava it the pits of earth
Boiling as it blends. Pain & Strife.
Earth & Fire. Pairs mark the serfdom,
Though Atlas is a stigma by nature.
A soul unbeknown to nurture.
Mark his solitude, hereto. Stone palms
Upon the revolving globe, so blue.

Toil matches the hue...It's humorous
How Irony tends to slap.
& How decisions seem to matter little
As if reality was mapped.
Entrapped. Is this life of mine a prison
By design? The cage intertwined with time.
Atlas was destined to this frozen torture
By tyrannical forces, divine. Deities unkind.

It's utter loneliness which sets Atlas aside
The gaze without emotion. Withholding pride
Titan glued beneath the stars. Daily & Nightly
Forgotten & Debarred. Scrutinized by silence
& Marred. Flesh & guts rotten,
Inside a gray-scale jail. I sympathize
Because like others terrorized by usurp,
His frame is a living hell.
His frame, positioned in power.
His frame, so fickle & frail....

[Karaoshi]

Assuming this was supposed to follow on directly from the original piece (part 1?). The original felt completed and finished as a standalone piece, I'm not sure it necessarily needed a part two. There's an abrupt change in dynamics between the two as well. Where the first was empathising with Atlas, this second part comes straight out the gate telling him to "deal with it" and it's not until halfway through the second stanza that it's revealed you're now comparing Atlas' endless struggle to your own feelings of insignificance. I do like the turnaround, and a second part definitely wouldn't have made sense without that kind of level change, I just felt the two parts didn't flow well from one to the next.

Could also be due to the change in writing style. The first was very story focused, whereas this one focuses much more on rhyming, to the detriment in some parts of development of ideas. With less focus on rhyming it allows you to fully explore what you're trying to say with each line and each word rather than first and foremost making them rhyme. So the writing style changed, and while I personally prefer that of the first part, this second part does still manage to get its concept across and doesn't feel too choppy.

The ending of this part is a bit lackluster compared to the first, which went out with a strong statement. This one kind of peters out and doesn't have that strong finish. Finishing a piece with the old ... is imo a bit of a cop out too, it kind of says to the reader "I didn't know what else to say, so here, you finish it for yourself." I think a better way to finish this off would have been with a final question after the fickle and frail... line. A question posed for Atlas could be understood as the author wondering the same thing of himself. "How long can you hold on?" or some such thing. I think that angle would have rounded out this piece nicely and given that strong finish that it lacked.

I love the first three lines of the third stanza though, they were fantastic. "The gaze without emotion" was just perfect for this whole concept. Overall I think you did a great job introducing that level change from the first part to reflect on yourself, the meaninglessness of our efforts in the face of eternity, and the struggle to overcome that depressing idea and live a fulfilling life in spite of it.