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@143 @zonez
Last edited by Truth Iscariot; July 8th, 2014 at 01:32 AM
AI
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Checking in and wishing the best of luck to Mr. Yi. Topics? @Truth Iscariot
going to a meeting and I'll get them up when that's doneOriginally Posted by zonez
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No more Yi San Si....143 is out of retirement....good luck...good life....
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Best Topical Writer: 143
http://a5.files.biography.com/image/...Y3MDk1MDU0.jpg
'The Secret Life of Elizabeth Short'
one half in heaven, the other in hell
reunited again, with a story to tell
A beginning? Well I started to dabble in the dark arts at the age of nineteen.
I came to California to live with my dad but we ended up constantly fighting
so I took flight. On my own but my life didn't look right.
I was lonely and eager to find friends to spend my nights with.
I tried hanging out with a lot of clicks but I didn't quite fit.
I got to feeling I was not a normal young lady
and I starting bonding with other teenagers labeled as crazy.
They were in to black magic, witchcraft and mysticism
but they weren't bad people and they took me in.
I felt accepted. I felt at home. I was comfortable and no longer alone.
At first some of their practices I did not condone,
but as the darkness grew inside my evil soul seemed to feed on grief.
I more often felt the need to watch living things bleed it brought relief.
It got increasigly dificult to cease the constant urge for ritual sacrifice.
A despicable vice it started with small animals rats and mice,
gradually working my way up to larger mammals... human beings.
I became a killing machine addicted to the gratification it would bring.
Death is not an end, in fact its only the beginning.
With my new found pleasure in limbs and torsos getting severed
I never could have imagined I would end up in this endeavor.
And the public was not the wiser, in their eyes I was formal.
The people that knew me would say I was nothing less than normal.
For the sake of appearance I took an interest in acting.
Soon after I met George Hodel, ohhh he was a bad thing.
In our small circle he was known as Doctor Dismember,
a seemingly calm and curtious surgeon with a secretly livid temper.
At first our relationship was strictly business
helping each other find victims but eventually he did insist
that we share a kiss. Poor man didn't understand totally unaware of the gist.
I was already in love, if you catch my drift.
As I avoided his advances he grew more annoyed and anxious.
I sensed the coming onslaught but could not escape the anguish.
Hunter becomes the hunted meeting the same fate as her prey.
Looking back at my life, never thought I would die this way.
A seperation of sensation but he left me wide smile.
When Hyde turned back to Jekyll he was left with self denial.
Reunited with the love of my life, a death of the flesh.
Now merely a ghost but I've been through heaven and hell in my eternal rest.
I've seen and experienced more than you can imagine but I must contest,
the short amount of time I was alive... those years were the best.
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs50/i/20...by_vinegar.jpg
http://www.terragalleria.com/images/...la6482-bw.jpeg
It was a hot summer's night in the 'Quarter
Swinging horns and et tu fay was the nightly order
I was here...borderline drunk as forty skunks
Consorting with busty women, my wedding ring in the trunk...
Yeah, somewhat drunk and my wife is a native of these streets
I met her at a little cafe spot serving up the local sweets
My vocals were meek, her beauty summed up in blue eyes
Falling to the floor to collect the dismissed smooth lines
And my savior was persistence, a date and red roses
Led to a night where my soul felt like it was in good hands
So much that 3 months later, I fed looks to those who opposes
Jumped the broom, celebrating till it was all that I could stand...
And here I am....
Holding foreign nipples, wetting a Hooter's tank top with my sweat glands
Commanding for more libations to deaden my situation
Where constipated thinking induce my employment cessation
Gave 10 years and four quarts of blood at the annual drive
So I can survive the Mesozoic management cannibalistic lies
See they believe that Obama got it all wrong.
Cut from the bottom so the prosperous good life prolongs
So after the throngs of red slips dipped into my inbox
I run to Bros looking for jello shots and rock bottoms to detox
Change these wingtips for my Reeboks after three shots
Feeling like the fox in a hen house, listen to Queen rock
Freddie Mercury and blond hair pull out my youthful ways
Stayed 4 rounds, played shots off the chest, loser pays
Forgetting about the grazing of a soft hand for attention
The bartender give a mention of being reported for deception
See she was friends that could bust my mood
But I never known her to "player hate" or act prude
Still consuming drinks like I was still single
I felt the middle of my spine starting to tingle
The more I mingle the jingling of bells rung in my ears
Like a calling to arms for the hidden demons of fear
I bolt like tomorrow will end life as I know it
Passed an old streetwalker who face was minted and stoic
Losing my religion a few times in blacken alleys
Had my world spinning as I search for my waxed Cadi
The tingling move from the spine to the neckline
Stumbling to the door, sit for comfort, hear a text chime
"I know where you are and it's ok, I know you feel stressed"
"By the way how is the feeling in the back of your neck?"
With a vexed look at the screen wondering how she know my feeling
Started the car abruptly having a hub cap careening
The ringing in the ears has turned to screaming
Pulled over and looked for my palms for relief....
Concede to the pain that now have my nose bleeding
Waiting for the pain toll to cease and serve me a receipt
The eyes blur, get out the car, my steps are guide-less
What infliction of infection support my brain's tiredness
Another text comes as these steps crumble to my knees
"How are you feeling know? Is it hard to breathe?"
Which proceed soon after the last syllable read
"Is this my wife who is laughing and screaming in my head"
I'm fed a blackout as the strength of my body back out
The last words heard "This is you when your ass out!!!"....
A band plays as the precession stroll across broken grass blades
After the chorus you can here umbrella carrying voices go HEY HEY
She walks behind with crocodile tears flowing for show....
Staying in character till the last to go....
Returning at night for some macabre delight to fulfill
Digging through the fresh soil with a devilish smile on her grill...
Her taste to kill revealed in those blue eyes, death's delivery
Holding my head to remind those of infidelity's shivery.........
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs50/i/20...by_vinegar.jpg
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Best Topical Writer: 143
just read 'em quickly, i'll go over 'em again when i'm not so stoned and vote lol
seems a good battle
[youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
This was a real good battle guys. I enjoyed reading both!
Zones - I liked this piece quite a bit man! I was liking the imagery you had and you had some nice storytelling going on. Flow was decent for the most part, a couple minor slip ups but nothing major. Vocab was maybe a tad basic in some areas, though I do appreciate the story you were trying to convey. I liked it overall though I I thought the ending was maybe a tad underwhelming and maybe could have been more elaborate.
Favorite Lines:
but as the darkness grew inside my evil soul seemed to feed on grief.
I more often felt the need to watch living things bleed it brought relief.
Not a bad drop overall man, just work on complexity!
143 - I loved your approach to this man. This was a good look at a few relatable concepts within relationships and I liked how you opened with that. Liked the twist the end there where she goes crazy, sounds like women haha. Flow was okay for the most part, off in some places. I enjoyed your vocab though.
Favorite Lines:
Commanding for more libations to deaden my situation
Where constipated thinking induce my employment cessation
Good stuff overall man. Liked the beginning and the twist on it.
Both of you did a similar thing with the pictures which was kind of neat. I enjoyed both pieces, and both are sick writers and have tons of dope potential. Looking forward to reading more! Zones you improve every week I've read from you man. Keep it up.
Overall this was a good battle. But I think 143 edges out just with slightly better mechanics and good vocab and creativity.
Keep it up to the both of you!
Vote - 143
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so...
my votes gonna go to... v/143
the main reason being I felt he wrote with a stronger technique, though with my first read I was leaning the other way, towards zones, simply down to the story aspect of it, but once balancing that out with all the other areas, it just fell a bit short...
that's basically it
nice battle, by no means one-sided
[youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
2-0 for 143.
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143 Wins 2-0.
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