Ugly (winchester freestyle)

**Prolifik28** · April 9th, 2011, 02:09 PM

[RIGHT]im coming back with avengence that's right
bitch:: I'm double constipated I don't give two shits::Offense
reguired bitch I'm flyer than you:: you can't find good
rappers what's a guy to do?:: they say you good they lying
to ya g:: they call me raps Jesus don't go crucifying me::
I'm the sterotypical southern white guy:: with mathmatical flow
call it apple pi:: download this I'm changing lifes::
others make Me cut the tape short -knife-:: I got
a safe full of cherries cuz I pop it and lock it:: a girls like
a fridge once a week you can stalk it::[\RIGHT]

**Solidus** · April 9th, 2011, 07:52 PM

Im not really sure what to say about this one, Folk. Given that youre new to this environment, Im simply gonna state the obvious. You need to elevate heavily, bro. This piece has no main concept behind the words. I can see a few attempts at punchlines, the success rate is just a bit low.

I'm double constipated I don't give two shits

they call me raps Jesus don't go crucifying me

Both exmaples above are my point exactly. A swing & a miss, bro. Both majorly played out bars, & extremely arrogant without the image to back it. But Im no one to knock you down. Only givin structural criticism. Keep writing & Live Lifted.

**Jukon** · April 9th, 2011, 10:11 PM

First..all pieces must be atleast 16 lines long, second you can only post one piece per 24 hours..and third, you need 3 feedback links for each piece you drop. If you are unsure what feedback links are, read the Open Mic Rules.

**Tr!gga** · April 9th, 2011, 10:49 PM

Well, I had no idea what message(s) u were trying to send but I didn't get a clear one. And the one that I THINK I got I don't u think u delivered. Just up ur game entirely. Study up really on what makes a good rap a good rap.