Week 8: Etym vs Mozis [Etym Wins]

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html

Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.

[Soule]

In.

[Etym]

[Aniseed Twist]

I think I started life as a seedling…like most,
Just a head & tail yet to be greeting the right host,
When opportunity arose
Flagellums flailed to flee, this; our required post
Beating each other to the gamete to form a zygote

The result of an action, from love or lust!? I can’t really say,
My heart hoped for one - but that’s all too easily swayed -
& the brain groped the other, as I never did feel him stay
In the early years at least, when I think it mattered more
Slight a newborn for an actress or was it a battered whore?
Each skipped beat was a question, evading answers sought
Something I’m sure I’d never ever forgive the bastard for

I was…

The youngest of course,
& at just the age of six, chores often fell on me with verdict.
Biting my lip…doing what I could for my mother as a service
Besides, I wasn’t at an age with a solid grasp on verbiage…
Words slid, from grandpa’s leathery tongue & memory clung
To the atoms of wisdom, only after my endeavour was done,
I remember he spun; tales & fables, rocking in a tattered chair,
Ashen hair, haggard frame & avid stare; he’d amassed his years.
Saying random things in tandem with his maddening whims;
“We were once in touch & able to scope the whole galaxy,
Now we’re shadows – arrows thrown from bows of fallacy.”
Every exhalation etched the fragrance of liquorice, strongly
I’d tend to cringe & it would lend him a grin, but once he
Pulled me onto his lap, his old hands still rearing me softly
“I hope one day you understand, and you look back on this fondly”

By the time he passed I was a young man, learning how a gun can
Put ‘earnings’ in your mum’s hand to give her holidays & suntans,
Assuming you stay stealthy…wealthy kids sped up my removal
From schools, & plural was the no. of floozies I’d move through too;
When the first girl you give your heart to cracks it, take no lessons,
Run around like a canine matching habits, because that ain’t projection

Skip forward a few years, I had starting writing poetry
You’ll do a lot of things in a bid to fight for hope & peace
Little under a decade for manslaughter probably seems light
But, you know…time in the can ought to properly deem life

And it did, i think...

Stress I caused my moms carved more lines on her powdered face
She was an old lady now, in her bosom I began to feel outta place
Took almost five years until mom remit me…ceasing the silence,
Only one of my past conquests offered her leaning & guidance,
- That was how I knew I had found my wife, for being so righteous

Pursuing a degree in science, I sought to reform on a legit route
Gained a license for medicine, same time my wife popped a kid out
Middle age was blurry…a few more spawns led to a big house,
And I noticed in the mirror I was gaining grey hairs in my wig now

Funny how time catches up to you as if it’s something pursuing
Makes you look back on each page of life – umpteen – perusing,
But hindsight’s a tricky beast; it can shift the shapes of reality
Giving mind to that, watching my kids watch theirs; that’d be family,

The youngest run ups to me, not unlike the return of a procession,
He bumbles barely audibly, asking from me “something interesting”
I ramble;
“Watch the world whirling…a sterling uneven question,
Our lives; fleeting answers unable to leave an impression.”
A bemused expression, before he ambles away to where the family sits
My favourite kind, I think, as I rock in my chair with an aniseed twist.

Funny how time flies.


...

Hidden Content:

to anyone who gives a fuck, I had a greater ambition for this piece but kept in check for the line limit

[Soule]

If I don't drop tonight, can I have a Sunday extension please?

[Soule]

Every Predator Is a Prey...
Written by Mozis



http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/20...ys-d3284eo.jpg

Reclined in my seat, feet up so I can dream,
hands rest on my neck, mind set on some sleep.
Headphones close my road to reality,
blind behind these eyelids -- this is bittersweet.
Eyes open to a pen and paper imprint,
ideas appear, still clear to my senses.
"Hello officer, I'll offer you a quick deal,
give me a cigarette and I'll confess at this appeal!"
Teeth break away, the decay hurts my jaw,
my headache fights off a bottle of tylonol!
The weed I smoked just chokes out my lungs,
and the whisky just ain't with me... guess I'm done.

Knife at my side, it hides another's life now,
he begged me to let him leave my black clouds.
The stench of that risk still stains my fingertips,
but I trust him since his tongue sits in my pocket.
Karma told me something would eventually come,
and so I welcome whatever it is to my kingdom.
Have a seat, and please forgive the concrete cushion,
money is slim when you live with the street's movements.
Yes I killed a man, but first understand my motives,
he was a rapist -- the greatest scum in our ocean!
I told him the omen that came with such disgust,
but he wouldn't believe somebody covered in dust.
The booze and drugs gave him the wrong impression,
I'm only homeless because its a strong deception.
My victim wasn't innocent -- this I can promise you,
plant my right hand on the bible and I'll be honest too!
Check his basement, you'll find pages of names and faces,
there are women of all ages, shapes and races!
He's sick and twisted, this isn't my crime at hand,
God said if I did this then I could climb to Heaven!
I took his life with a crooked knife earlier today,
to prove that every predator is also a prey.

[Mr. Black]

lmao WOW... i take back every positive thing i said about this league. you guys are all self indulgent fruits

checking your own battle constantly for votes and shit while these go without a single decent one... sad

i got this once in a few hours, i got a huge break after my first class

[Joseph Grey]

Etym - I thought this was really good. Original piece with a lot of nice lines. I don't really have anything bad to say about it and i was drawn in throughout the whole thing.

Mozis - Another creative piece with a nice topic. I liked the rhythm of it like it was poetic-like. You have some good story-telling skills, but i thought you could have used some better words to rhyme... it would sound too simple at times IMO. I like reading internals and crazy rhyme-schemes.

v/Etym... I thought he just came with a stronger piece, more original and better written.

[Joseph Grey]

Etym - I thought this was really good. Original piece with a lot of nice lines. I don't really have anything bad to say about it and i was drawn in throughout the whole thing.

Mozis - Another creative piece with a nice topic. I liked the rhythm of it like it was poetic-like. You have some good story-telling skills, but i thought you could have used some better words to rhyme... it would sound too simple at times IMO. I like reading internals and crazy rhyme-schemes.

v/Etym... I thought he just came with a stronger piece, more original and better written.

[Silk Sky]

etym- solid verse, the beginning was a little shaky for me, but I liked how the story evolved as I read. I had to look up "aniseed" had no idea what that was, and I found: the aromatic seed of anise, which confused me a little, but I decided that you took the word and made your own definition for it, which is a pretty cool idea imo.

mozis- I was digging your verse....but imo the ending was a let down, because I was expecting something a bit more random and psychotic and I got something a little cliche instead (a vigilante). Also, there wasn't much complexity wise, you were pretty straight forward, not a bad thing, but it would have helped to up your vocab some. decent imagery, and some nice concepts, including

my headache fights off a bottle of tylonol!

but overall I'mma have to vote Etym, for a more complex, in depth and less predictable verse.

[_Lyrics]

etym- this was pretty dope here. how after I was- it was almost like an oldfashioned timeline of an average good ol american family life. I liked the opening coupled bars, the zygote bar was fresh and I like how that almost connects to the topic on a cellular level lol procreation. I feel like the descriptions were well thought out for the most, even though i felt it's not the most original topic, but was easily executed for you and the imagery is easily one of your strongest points in your verse, very nice inclusion of the family lifecycle too. it was a long verse and in some points i wasn't feeling the wording. but all in all this had a cool vibe to it and kept me interested.

american- ok, i can say i was feeling the concept more in this verse, but i felt like the progression really hurt you in this piece, the story seemed clear, but it transitioned too quickly and felt like it was missing some key content, firstly I really liked the beginning but wasn't sure how it jumped to "hello officer", i think that needed more smoothing in the story because it seemed like you went from talking about a relaxed atmosphere to right in the middle of an entirely different story lol. I'm not trying to down it because afterwards the story picked up although i felt that it was sort of a played topic aswell.

so moziz had smoother wordchoices and less played topic, but etym brought more writing mechanics with easier transitions..
v/etym

[FreshADiddle]

Etym: This verse had great directional flow...and for those that don't know about aniseed...it smells like licorice...hence the title and the reference to his grandpa and blah blah blah. This verse felt very complete, where as previous works of yours have felt very fragmented and heavy handed with the rhyme schemes. But here, you told a nice little tale of a familial existence with very organic imagery and wording...I thought you even maintained a nice balance in the beginning when you were discussing creation on a molecular level. It didn't feel too contrived or misplaced. Your rhyme schemes were solid and everything seemed pretty well put together.

Mozis: I liked the concept or idea of the predator also being the prey....I just thought that the actual execution or literal translation was a bit played and a bit too familiar. That's the really tough thing about free topic weeks...it's hard to just craft something fresh out of thin air, at least for me it is. The vigilante thing has been done many times...so unfortunately, that kinda went against your campaign for a W this round.

As far as the rhyme schemes go...this was fairly simple, but the flow/cadence was really clean, so that was nice.

The directional flow of the story had a few hiccups along the way. I didn't understand the transition between the opening scene and the character talking to the cops...that's where I became lost...which is unfortunate, because I think that if you had better transitions in this story verse, you would have been more successful against your opponent.

In the end, Etym gets my vote because his verse just felt much more complete and cohesive and displayed rhyme mechanics at a higher level than Mozis.

[Cody Nash]

5-0.. Etym wins it.