Tim (11-4) vs. White-Winter (6-7)

[Brandon Cee]

Rules and Regulations

Good Luck!

[Tim]

check

[White-Winter]

plz pray for me to drop this week

[White-Winter]

extention required until tomorrow...

[White-Winter]

Never noticed


Undiscovered talent, dormant but gallant
Highly skilled yet the looks aren’t tangent
Disfigured...disowned, child birth intoned
A possible family reunion postponed
The underworld full like a piece of curled wool
It swirls around until the hurled bull-
Nourishes the ground after the weeping sound
Cries for fertilisation, carved and flaky all around
Continents expanding, civilizations more demanding
Living out in the sea, possibly in space it’s outstanding!
This rage is my utopia...blowing off steam I’m showing-
My potential of growing...never noticed now your knowing
Clear blue skies vanish as I cough ash, now that is wise
Disrupting air travel I hear thousands of cries

sorry dude thats all i could do

[Tim]

http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...tures/free.png
Fear
I saw her across the room enveloped in solitude
I begged to speak to her but feared greatly to intrude
Deeply did I stare in to her eyes of natural perfection
Into her very soul I pondered with my casual inspection
Twice I did get up three times did I sit down
As great my search, courage was not to be found
Her body spoke to me, teased me with its essence
But I was set abash she did not recognize my presence
Repressed to adolescence I felt incomplete deep in core
My heart sore, but this was more then my mind was in for
Scorched with shame myself to blame, I sunk into self pity
A task so simple that I myself charged with complicity
Scared to speak? No, scared of my own inferiority
My shortcomings of a perfect man repelled opportunity
She got up slowly it was clear she was heading for the door
And with her graceful departure, my heart was cast upon the floor
It seems no matter how simple my goals just seem to fall through
And this is just one of the many girls I would never talk too
Though it is more than a girl I seek it is a life to call my own
For if I never borrowed yours, then I would still be alone

[Brandon Cee]

open for votes

[soulstice.]

white - dog.. unfinished. lines barely make sensein the context that theyre in right now. not much i can say to help u improve seeing how this isnt unfinished. couldnt tell what you were going for.... sorry to see you couldnt drop to your full potential. oh well, real life beckons. lol

timmay - Deeply did I stare in to her eyes of natural perfection
wtf... yoda shit, lol. fix that i think its weird! anyways.. neat concept, i felt like you keyed this up a bit lol. its very short.... you had the finished piece, and your lines actually made sense in the context they were in

uhh, pretty obvious

v tim

[Cody Nash]

neither of you wrote good pieces imo....




white... I was kinda confused by yours in the end and there was too much content missing for me to even have any ability to judge it... some okay lines in there... but everything just seemed undone... your rhymescheme was decent.. a little too off and on for the amount of lines you had but oh well... I guess when ya gotta go ya gotta go...


Tim.. this wasn't near as good as what you can do.. I was sorta unclear as to what you were talking about as well.. who's life are you barrowing? is it a whore?? I may have missed something.. dunno.. I did read it pretty quick. some good lines... but soulstice is right about the yoda shit.. you had some lines in there like wtf??? but other than that.. this was at least more complete and obviously had more thought...


vote Tim

[Brandon Cee]

White - What was the point of taking the extension? You dropped a terrible piece, honestly. This was the worst from you all season long and it couldn't have come at a worse time. Incomplete and dry for what it was and I was not able to get into this almost at all man. Sorry.

Tim - Asshole lol. You did enough to win obviously, but you also dropped a bad piece imo. I'm not going to tell you what to work on cause you know you just dropped to drop and so does everyone else, but this wasn't nearly as good as your usual wording, so work on that shit for next week.

v/Tim

[Mariah]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, so White, this wasn't nearly as good as you've been doing lately and that's too bad. I feel like everything was disconnected from each other and that made for a sloppy, non-cohesive type of read. Not much else to say, it's not finished and I just couldn't really dig it. Tim, you're a good writer and I know this was just to post, but the writing in most of this was really awkward for you even in a verse like this, you've really got to make sure you don't get lazy now at this point, other than that, you won, but this wasn't very strong either.

v/Tim

[Brandon Cee]

Tim advances