Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
well atleast we get a rematch..in like sin on a devils grin.g/l
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good luck to you.
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...tures/free.png
i wait patiently,while my patience is evadin' me
the faces ive erased i see,its now a race to breathe
shes facin me upside down and all i see is a frown
she didnt know i watched,swimmin' in sleep;she drowned
my head pounds as the sound disappears,theres tears
it's clear ive peered through this window from fear
fear of rejection,this face is the sheerest reflection
of perfection in my twisted eyes,it steers my erection
in her direction without her even knowin' that i exist
shes feelin' frozen as i persist to open her rosy lips
see id hold her hips just to feel like i was important
but this rigor mortis left her morbidly distorted
a contorted face shaped in agony and despair
as i grabbed her hair those glassy eyes just stared
i compared our toned faces and guess what shone
a future with children and dogs,i'd mortgaged a home
snappin back i sat alone starin at the heap of flesh
feelin weak but blessed,down in the street i dressed
pressed to collect my thoughts and flee the scene
i fled home but i could never flee the dreams
reoccurring screams as i replay entering her pad
remembering her mad as i sat fingering her ass
her anger had passed as i smashed her face
shed braced for the hit but slipped,misplaced
my heart raced as her pace slowly ceased
pulse decreased as her brains pulses released
firing off signals despite death to fight for air
her breathing mixed with gargles and i just glared
i couldnt care about her livin,she rejected me
she had never seen me but she neglected me
no respect you see plus i had never had a girl
mad at the world,i took my anger out on this pearl
the room just swirled till i hurled from the thought
of me killin and desecrating a corpse,am i caught
headlights passing by my window make me panic
everything i own i pack all frantic so i can vanish
man its been so long with out peaceful sleep
these evil deeds imbedded them selves deep
it leaked to the the news when they found her
concussed plus all the semen drowned her
id pound her with my dick orally after i hit her
thinkin id get a nut while she slept so i did her
the taste of deaths bitter but escape is sweet
blatant murder over emotions i cant face the heat
the only real image from then i cant forget isnt gory
me peering down her belly,in jail im telling the story
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Proof of Purchase
Cause and Effect[ed]
This is Cameron...
An addict, the sky is the limit and he's been higher before
Trying to score him a new gimmick, so he can buy out the stores
Tonight he is bored, so he rides around trying to pour
A glass or two to drink while he's out there driving his Ford
What's he hiding it for? parents always fight, they're divorced
It's filed in drawers, it's every reason he's decided to snort
Or it's the source of the pain, priceless: fortune and fame
Courting that same lifestyle that's been distorting his brain
Exporting a chain, got workers out there exposing his name
To extort them in vain like the needle that he holds to a flame
There's a motion to change, it's not important to "Cam"
Showing he can be who he wants to feel like he's more of a man
It's torture - a scam...everyone's supporting youth inside
But who knew that the next step was this close to suicide?
This is Corey...
The opposite, talking shit, he's not the kid mentioned above
Getting love from his girl, he loves her, but he's stressing a glove
Messing around, grew up in a home with both of his parents
Noticed the clearance he had and he never hoped to go near it
His mother feared it, he'd grow curious and try to live a little
He'd give a little smile, but the shivers had always hit the middle
It's a symbol of anxiety, society always attacks on the weak
But this kid knew better and then just laughed as they'd speak
And Cameron had seen him around, so he asked him to peak
One glance, Corey never looked back as he ran with the fleet
Disaster will meet him, but the only question to choose...
...is what's the point in being daring if you're destined to lose?
http://i39.tinypic.com/1077w35.jpg
That was it...
Here's a note...this kid toked and poked his arms with needles
Full-throttle, the bottle's a third obsession with the party people
It's hardly evil, there's no harm and no foul in the snapshots
And that's a fallacy, that damage sits as proud as these crackpots
Jackpot! It's all a business - money's greener than bud
Cleaner than mud, the street sweeper had to clean up the blood
And judging by the scene, he didn't seem to be touched
Only one vehicle crashed, we must consider every demon a crutch
Mothers dream of their sons, but sleep doesn't easily come
With a constant war inside her mind without a beat on the drum
Seasons are rough, riding down the street is so equally tough
They knew this clear and present danger would be creeping on up
Yet they forgot about that, problems were masking the anger
Cam's at a funeral...his best friend had been laughing at danger
This is TRUE. The proof is in the purchase.
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
open for votes
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Treazon... good read. The wording in most of it seemed forced or just flat out awkward. Which really deprived the flow of things. Rhyme scheme was kind of spontaneous. I really enjoyed the meaning / concept of the piece as a whole. But as far as the inner concepts for each line goes. Nothing was very creative. Sorry for not breaking it down more. Didn't see any lines that made me go 'nice, I'll quote this'. Pretty emotional read though, keep it up dude. Next season, trust that.
Brandon Seed... the only reason I voted on this battle is because of that picture in your piece. It looked interesting. You're pretty good with tragedy pieces, old emo, so I figured I'd give this battle a quick glimpse... the format reminds me of that one Eminem song, think it was Guilty consincous (mispelled, who cares?) 'Meet Corey, he fails at life' 'meet Cameron, such an addict, nobody cares about him' cool!!!
Or it's the source of the pain, priceless: fortune and fame
Courting that same lifestyle that's been distorting his brain
Pretty legit bar. Like the meaning behind it. Guy hates his life, so he does drugs and run aways. Cowardly character, but hey! It's all good. Hell isn't too bad of a place I guess... Gotta rush this feedback and move to another computer because he's a new class period. Sorry.
Vote Brandon Cee, more interesting / better developed read.
treazon - like dagel said, you didnt have anystand out concepts within the lines.. like there was the paradox at the beginning that was cool, and then the repition of flee within a line.. im too lazy to copy and paste but those ones were nice dude.. the rest was kind of plain, and it jumped around a lot.. the language was simple, and therefore, going back to this, no lines really impressed me immensely.. my main qualm was the convoluted time line.. like hes in jail telling the story, at the end.. and hes awake next to her at the beginning.. and then hes killing her in he middle.. it seems like something an indie director might try in film school. not a home run in topicals though.. flow was cool, nothing forced, a few awkward wordings here and there, but nothing major
brandon - havent seen you try out the story telling much tbh, maybe i havent been payin attention.. this was real cool though. .. umm parents/near it was forced to me.. otherwise, your flow was top notch as usual..some plain wording here and there, but once again, nothing major at all.. yeah, lol... just real solid, nothing i can really comment on intensely...
brandon beat treaz in mechanics.. treaz is nice with multis and all, but brandon just has complex schemes that are toughhhh to beat.. i think treazons sporadic time line i harped on was his main downfall in this. brandons was linear and easier to follow, therefore keeping my interest better. i have to give it to him
i expect brandon to come nice next round
and i expect treazon to come well above .500 next season. shoulda been like that this season imo, but what can you go. two nice writers, ones gotta lose though
v - brandon
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The opposite, talking shit, he's not the kid mentioned above
^^dunno why but the flow on this line made it even better for me lol.. I read that first line and stopped reading like "haha fuck yeah"... pretty good read overall though brandon.. some good content.. the ending was nice. wrapped everything up well. couldn't really find a flaw except maybe I would've liked to read more about what happened... ya feel me? other than that.. dope piece.
Treazon.. my main issue with this is that it has no real point.. it's just a story. you wrote about a guys feelings and imo it wasn't absolutely clear about what had gone on and why... there were details and flickers of what was going on.. but I feel like not everything was said.. the ending just seems kinda ehh.. like you threw it in there... the concept as a whole could've just been more thought out... rhymes were dope.. storytelling was good... I just needed more content.. not more lines.. but content...
vote Brandon Cee... good battle
brandon you are a very dope story teller and you have a pretty damn good flow to go along with it. I felt this piece this week showed it, but i know you still have more in you. The lines kind of felt a little streched and i kind of got sucked out at the middle, but i felt you tied it up well in the end
Treazon I felt that you had an okay piece but just felt that i could have flowed a little better and you could have added a little bit more to the story and some more emotion. It was good but i felt the BC one upped you this week. But good season none the less
vote...BC
Treazon, where's the set-up? You seemed to pick up mid scene and just expected us to feel where you were at somehow. There's images here and there that give you ideas where this was going, but overall, this feels incomplete to me or maybe seem details went missing, not your best piece. Brandon, good job on the story telling, cool story, a bit like Jon said with the 'Guilty Conscience" thing, but I feel you on this, some dope wording in this piece too and you conveyed a solid concept that was easy to follow. Cool drop from you.
v/Brandon
Wu-Tang Forever
Nothing Was The Same
sorry. double post.
Wu-Tang Forever
Nothing Was The Same
Brandon advances.
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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