Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Have fun staring at my feet.
*looks down*
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...601/index.html
Last edited by Steven William; April 22nd, 2010 at 12:46 AM
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
Last edited by Ink Edible; April 22nd, 2010 at 12:52 AM
This is my signature...
My lifespan aint long – strings are gettin’ loose now
I’m about to be replaced, I might as well just move out
I been through a few crowds, I been stepped on
N you know I kept gon’, but it’s gettin’ too loud.
What am I to do now, sittin’ in this dark place
When the doors ajar they- let me out to start pace
I’m tired of that park place tryna see that board walk
A few more days of this n I’ll start to hear the floor talk
I’m dusty from the floor chalk, post up – droppin’ shots
Never skip the dome, kick ‘n stone, see me hop ‘n scotch
See me hop in drops, when I move they stop ‘n watch
N you might catch me on the track if you stop the watch
If I’m out in public I’m in that Foot Locker spot
If you gettin’ put in it, then I’ma be ontop the box
Stop the shocks, nah – they keep it movin’ like me
Similar to firearms, I’m kept beneath a white tee
My style viewed as bright be-cause the hues in light seem
to glow crystal clear like these cubes in goose n iced tea
I knock out all those white teeth when they wanna fight me
Where I am now, is somewhere that they might be
I’m ballin’ out like Nike, Jordan, Kobe and Shaq do
Dwayne Wade, Carmello, Lebron and T-Mac 2
I put the pedal to the metal, in the teal lows
N the metal to your temple,in the steel toes
Grab the football cleats when I yell SHOTGUN!
It is not fun, pumpin’ the same place ya meal goes
I take more beatin daily than you do in a lifetime
There aint no way you could find a soul like mine
I don’t even write lines, I walk ‘em n cross ‘em
Get caught in the wrong crosswalk n they toss ‘em
Yep, we were tied at the strings but I lost ‘em
Now I just hang out and look down…
..like isn’t this awesome.
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...ures/1shoe.png
It's not about me, it's about the shoes.
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
December 16, 1773
We've gotta fight for everything ignore who's head of things
'Cause if we give power to every king then freedom will never ring
These chains are severing finally and I can feel this collapsing
When the shipments these lads bring come with ridiculous taxing
There should be no taxation without representation, we're victims
They took advantage of our mistakes and our faith in the system
They take from our riches, and all debts...fall on me
And you, so we're unable to have stable economy in these colonies
We fought the French & Indians and housed the soldiers
But this freedom we're askin' for will be won with an ax and torches
And God knows we have no choice, and our war will start slow
So, brothers, come with me now! We'll begin with the cargo
March 18, 2010
Together brothers and sisters, we unite outside these gates
And we'll rise, each state to uncover this disguise he gave
Smooth spoken, a black man in the office! A new token
Because he's not Republican we trust his promises...a few broken
But he won the peace prize so we try to recline and relax
But we are bound to reunite each time that he signs a new act
Everyone deserves health care, I can agree with that
But really, let's speak the facts, and I don't mean to laugh
But I've seen the past...when we are taxed it brings a steep collapse
Health care just adds to welfare, that people snatch
And abuse these charities, it's truly scaring me, these government plans
It's all for revenue, these aides are nothin' but scams
So, we'll continue to march against these criminal acts
Bail out corrupt businesses, leaving more tax for the middle class
These Tea Party Protests have completely crashed and went away
So, next time they ignore the cause, I'm packin' molotovs
...Tea's for faggots anyway
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...tures/1tea.png
This is my signature...
Sya, okay read. The wording was awkward sometimes. And the flow was sketchy sometimes. Lol at saying the piece isn't about you at the end. Creative lol. This is my forth battle I've voted on / read and my head about to explode. So I'll leave it at that.
Ink, creative piece. Nice, yet fairly predictable way to make use of that picture. I was actually gonna do a similar thing but decided not to. You have some really good lines in here. Though, like I told Noodle, some appear rather lengthy.
Vote Ink,
syanidal-i liked this piece..i personally didnt find the rhyme scheme that awkward my personal opinion..i thought a couple of times it was different as far as your rhyme start and stop but only in a couple of places,and even that didnt really throw it off to me..i liked the concept..simple and easy but executed well...nice concepts and really threw everything shoe related in there for the most part..i have to say i enjoyed it though it would have been more dope recorded..just my opinion.
ink-i liked your piece cause one your rhyme scheme was on point..nothing fancy but on point..i was thinkin you were goin with the non-fiction topic but you used the pic which was ok.the second stanza didnt go with pic for me but thats just a visual concept that didnt click with me..first stanza went beautifully..you addressed a lot of issues that have happened with obama,i liked your piece and i thought it was well written,it just comes down to personal preference this time and i have to go with sya..no hate ink but i was feelin his piece...lyrically it was nice in my opinion and simplistic and fun..no hate both were dope.
vote-syanidal
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Syn: Pretty clever twist. Some lines seemed a little mehish though however, there were clever lines in there as well. The piece seemed a little drawn out but I liked the personification.
Ink: The idea was interesting but the execution was quite sloppy. I couldn't find punctuation where it should have been and thus, stumbled many times in the piece. I think you should have gone over it and tried to polish it up a little.
\/ Syn.
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
edited out. double post.
Last edited by Brandon Cee; April 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 AM
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
My lifespan aint long – strings are gettin’ loose now
I’m about to be replaced, I might as well just move out
I been through a few crowds, I been stepped on
N you know I kept gon’, but it’s gettin’ too loud.
^^Nice! Love the scheme switch in the second bar in this set. Love the basic, yet flavorful approach.
See me hop in drops, when I move they stop ‘n watch
N you might catch me on the track if you stop the watch
^^I usually don't like the double word usages, but I found this to be cool.
My style viewed as bright be-cause the hues in light seem
to glow crystal clear like these cubes in goose n iced tea
^^Very nicely worded. This is a pretty generic style but used with a creative twist.
Overall, I felt like the vibe of this piece matched up well with the picture topic.
Flowed smoothly throughout, while the rhyme schemes weren't always predictable.
You execute your pattern switches nicely which tends to keep the reader interested.
Towards the end I felt like you started speeding up the pace maybe a bit too much.
Kinda made me feel like you were rushing to finish it off. Nothing too drastic though.
The ending was cool. Though not as memorable as some of the lines I quoted above.
I enjoyed reading this man.
vs
We've gotta fight for everything ignore who's head of things
'Cause if we give power to every king then freedom will never ring
These chains are severing finally and I can feel this collapsing
When the shipments these lads bring come with ridiculous taxing
^^Nicely worded opener. Like the subject matter portrayed. Very relatable.
We fought the French & Indians and housed the soldiers
But this freedom we're askin' for will be won with an ax and torches
And God knows we have no choice, and our war will start slow
So, brothers, come with me now! We'll begin with the cargo
^^For some reason I like the first bar in this set, even though soldiers/torches doesn't rhyme whatsoever.
The second bar in this set was just a great set up for your next idea.
Everyone deserves health care, I can agree with that
But really, let's speak the facts, and I don't mean to laugh
But I've seen the past...when we are taxed it brings a steep collapse
Health care just adds to welfare, that people snatch
^^Nice! The multis make this flow so smoothly it's ridiculous. Again, love the subject matter.
These Tea Party Protests have completely crashed and went away
So, next time they ignore the cause, I'm packin' molotovs
...Tea's for faggots anyway
^^Lol. Not a bad closer at all. Perhaps could have been tweaked, but it was cool.
Overall, your verse was enjoyable to read as well. Usually I get bored with the historical pieces..
In this case I felt like the length was appropriate and it allowed me to stay focused.
Honestly, some of your lines were just there though. As in they didn't stick out to me at all.
With that said you had some really nice material in there too as quoted above.
Good usage of multis. Perhaps the rhyme scheme could have been switched up a few more times.
Other than that, good drop.
BREAKDOWN:
Okay, very close battle imo. It basically comes down to personal preference for me because
from a technical standpoint you guys were evenly matched. I think that Syanidal had the
more relatable verse, which required less thought and focused more on the rhythm and flow,
while Ink's piece seemed more in depth and required much more of a planned out approach.
At the end of the day I felt like Ink's material was more expertly developed. Therefore,
he gets my vote:
Ink Edible
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SyaNidal - The ending was perfect lmmfao! Not your best work to be completely honest, but your flow was solid. I enjoyed that it could have been about you, but it turned out being about the shoes...was a great twist, I'd still like to see you branch out a bit more...hope to see you sign into the playoffs. Good drop overall.
Ink -This was not bad, you've come a tad bit more consistent as of late, but you're really killing me with the concept...the ending was also a bit corny for me, though I laughed - it seemed misguided lol. I like the overall appeal of your writing, you have a fluid sense of wording, but some of the lines didn't seem to bring anything to the piece other than the rhyme...good, but not THAT good.
v/Sya
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Well I'm voting from my phone so ill make this brief.
Syn prob the nicest verse I've read about shoes.. Really nice concept and good ending. Flow on point and a lot of clever scenarios you put the shoes in.
Ink. Nice verse close battle. Flow was on point only choppy in a few areas. Some good emotion got me going fuck the govt. Anyways, technically snd but started to trail off.. 2nd half of verse to me wasn't fire like the start. Overall well done.
But vote syn
Took this with btr creativity imo slightly btr flow and was a little more consistent imo gj
Since Brandon is trying to get votes in, I read this and now I'm leaving some brief feedback. Syanidal has a great flow in this piece, not much different than what I saw from him in past pieces, but he really showed up this week. The concept was witty and I laughed a bit at the end. It was a solid drop. Ink, you dropped fairly solid as well, choppy flow at times, but you came with a nice concept, also made me laugh at the end ha. You started off better than you finished, but the point was still made, overall you dropped good here.
v/Syanidal
Well lol...Sya wins (8-8)
Ink loses (6-8)
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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