quick freestyle

[sir headless]

i just wrote it down after i spit it on that wu tang instrumental..

respect a foreign word down here on earth
handcuffs dont scare them more than words
police is impotent around where we use to live
gods plan was I, so I'm the gift on his list
my wrist holds me down when i get hot in the booth
the spot, freestylin spittin out the truth
get lose, thats what i have as a bit of adive
blow that nice out in Nice goons better act right
quite, police around the house, try to pass the town
chase me,quick between time zones like astronauts
i pick a finishline among moon and the sun
rule of thumb, you die before reach it son
hit the tv on see yourself in the news as wanted
booze yourself out,get paranoid and hunted
run with blisters on the feet, towards eden
blizzards try to stop me while i was passin sweden
still believe in the promised land like jesus
war,violence left many dreams cut in pieces
ignorant people,sweep them like blockbusters
my block bust incognito like Inglorious basters

[BombMicz]

get lose, thats what i have as a bit of adive
blow that nice out in Nice goons better act right

the first line there, ok. but i just don't understand wtf you mean in the second line brah.
and as i continue to read i'm seeing a bunch of typo's here, like you just miss a couple of words. and by 'eden' I'm hoping that your referring to 'The Garden of Eden". The last three bars have a good flow and consistent structure. will the whole verse was well structured. But overall it was an ok piece, keep droppin an elevating.

[BombMicz]

read my peice en lemme know whatcha think about it. ok?

[Complex Thoughts]

I mean it had a flow but what is the topic of this joint cause im loss

[KnowP]

I agree wit Bombz. You need to re-read your pieces so they come off the way you intended. It was mad jumbled and not much structure. Vocab was mediocre too. Try to broaded your word choice to add more culture to your piece not time. This bar right here seemed sincere tho:

still believe in the promised land like jesus
war,violence left many dreams cut in pieces

i was really feelin that part. Keep it up tho dog. Dont stop. Take some of these critiques and elevate ya game...

[BombMicz]

^^tru dat

[amerijuanican]

yeah, the typo's did make comprehension of this piece a little difficult for me.
another thing i noticed is how town and astronaut are supposed to rhyme, i don't understand that unless you mean to pronounce "naut" as "nowt".
the flow was pretty good though, keep at it.

[Vandle]

Overall decent flow.. it reads pretty well if you sub the typos properly.. as for message delivery.. seems a little generic. Anything particular your tryin to deliver?

quite, police around the house, try to pass the town
chase me,quick between time zones like astronauts

really wasnt feelin this part.. kinna threw me off.. and i mean no offense when i say it makes no sense.. keep em commin bro

Peep this shit.. tell me whatchya think:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...php/win-425091

[6feetdeep]

The flow was tight, but as previous comments ... some of it just didn't make sense.

"run with blisters on the feet, towards eden
blizzards try to stop me while i was passin sweden"

that was probably the sickest line you dropped man so, as Vandle says... keep em comin bro.

[emcee danger]

still believe in the promised land like jesus
war,violence left many dreams cut in pieces
ignorant people,sweep them like blockbusters
my block bust incognito like Inglorious basters

my favorite lines. i thought it was alright, just hard to read due to the typos. good job man, and keep it coming.

[Rey]

I never understood how someone can freestyle text, I mean your writing it down, isn't it a pre written "freestyle" unno it's an odd concept.