In My Life Time - Thoughts of Lucifer

[The Messenger]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...883/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...901/index.html


in my life time
I've ran across the hands of God
witnessed the creativity of his finger prints
journeyed the infinite roads of his life line
watched his tears fall and replenish the river end
observed his walking sculptures
dressed in lively flesh flourish to prominent cultures
some took after the meekness of sheep
some the lion and its dominance others the treachorus vulture
I’ve sat in the council's of the elders
Jeremiah ,Ezekial, Isaiah and Paul
smiled at my reflection in the streets of gold
experienced all the blessings of heaven
and hated it all
looking at the reflection of my face in the streets
I came to the conclusion this was no place for me
this was not a face of a servant
but a portrait of the Sovereign
all this nonsense singing dancing praying
there's no gain!!
For ME there's no praise!!
My beauty consumes the idea of subservience
in fact oh' God ill serve thee less
For How can I the very light of thee elite
bound to such foolery
I dare dream of such a thing
follow meall of my fellow hellions
Harken unto me,The voice of the Son of Rebellion


note to the reader, while you read this passage I still watch
observing the way you behave the waves of your thoughts
splashing against cerebrations door.
you think this is my story,you really believe in your heart
this my life!but I asked thee look a little closer and
you will see that it is yours

[HighEngineChief]

You got a lot of potential, and with a little polishing this could be a real dope piece. The language was your most impressive aspect, it had a relatively good narritive to it, and showed signs of talent. Now, the first thing you need to work on is grammatics. The punctuation in this was inconsistant and gave the whole piece a run-on feel to it. Second, you need to work on your vocab usage, the language as I said showed potential, but you need to use more creative word choices and perhaps a more balanced structure would help also. So keep writing and work on the grammatics and vocabulary, if you keep at it i'm sure you will be dropping HoF shit in no time.

[The Messenger]

Thanx for the feed fam

[The Messenger]

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