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Thread: The Story of Judas.

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    The Story of Judas.

    John 13:1-2 “Now before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him.”




    Walking with the snake, in the valley's, he preached
    took me in as his son, the only one, right off the streets
    He gave me shelter, gave me water, spoke the gospel life.
    The next apostle right? Take my hand, follow Christ?
    Now understand, theres a plan for divinity
    Some call it hell, but it's a place that only I could see
    If you accept him as creator, then the path is free
    But if you reject him as the savior, then thats blasphemy.
    I am the Satyr, rabbis speak about in prophecies
    The Dark Lord, gate keeper of Mestopholies
    of wretched demons, fallen angels, and a dragon beast
    The scarlet whore, lillith, cultist of the dagon priest
    There grew a garden, where a serpent man lived in the trees
    who slitherd down, whispered will you be my servant eve?
    Upon his scales bear the fruit upon which she would eat,
    a taste so sweet, the cherubs weeped, before she bore the devils seed.
    I revel nations, earth trembles like the fall of gog
    Cursed revelations, bear a symbol, walk the land of nod
    We are forsaken, Satans, taken souls to burn and rot
    The chosen one, Judas, "behold" I serve the wicked God
    And I was there when they took him for the crucifixion
    Never trust in his words, there only useless fiction
    A contradiction, fuck conviction, did I forget to mention
    Holy ascriptions that you spoke of, yea well fuck predictions,
    Son of God, your fraud and I'm not repentin, for my sins,
    now your sentenced by own your invention, and you'll hang upon a cross,
    as was my intentions to send you back to where you came,
    prepare the last acension.

    Why betray me son, you were the truest?
    How could you do this, Judas your of men among the fewest,
    now I'm nailed here to the cross dying
    leaking fluids, you put a dagger in my heart, and played the role Brutus.
    I father daughters, drink their waters, spill the blood of lambs,
    It's getting hotter everyday, because we are the damned
    And I will slaughter every creature, till the fall of man
    yes I am, the Christ killer, ancient Son of Sam.
    The Master of death, disaster is swept, pastors are wrept, with a blasphemous hex,
    I murderd the nuns and had cadaverous sex in the confessional booth atop the baphomets I lit, Won't ever get me to quit, you ain't never captured me yet, cause the weaker you are the faster I get, The more ravenous I hit, The more savage I spit, my venomous flames manifest spirits and shit. I can attest to the crypt, and the lyrics I script, It's slowly eats at your soul with an infectuous grip. Im so trecherous you slip, beating you with draculas whip, I'll split you so hard that your flesh starts to rip, till the blood starts to drip, cause my fangs need a sip, I'm so fuckin insane, I lick the taste from my lips. I am Judas Iscariot, the ryder of hells chariot, the wicked and scariest, before heard tell of Derry's IT. I will possess you like Carrie shit, unrest the vigin mary back from the grave just to father and marry it. Then slit her throat and her face, finally choke and re bury it. I'll chant satanic goat manuscripts, summoning souls from the black smoken Danu pit, as I Fall back through the ash, that I dwell sleep and blanket with.

    Lucifer has legions of demons equipped to go to war
    barbarain hordes of skeletons and orcs
    who's swearing to priest, evil beast, and dark lords
    preparing the feast of, jezabels and old whores
    covered in pigs blood, devil scales, and goat horns
    born of a world, where rebels yell, and ghost mourn
    don't ever let no one tell you hell dont exist, I rose from the abyss
    just seconds after I wrote this.



    Judas Iscariot



    Rev.6: 8 And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.





    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...878/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...929/index.html

    Please Crit this.... Thx to all.
    Last edited by M-Phantom; October 25th, 2009 at 11:50 PM

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    Again, like 10 views and not a single reply on another piece, what a shame. sighs........

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    HOLY SHIT!!!

    all i gott say is AMEN.. lol

    on to the real feed back,
    ya flow was crazy on-point all the way throu, multis was nice hotness, concept was DEEP and PERFECTED!!!


    Walking with the snake, in the valley's, he preached
    took me in as his son, the only one, right off the streets
    He gave me shelter, gave me water, spoke the gospel life.
    The next apostle right? Take my hand, follow Christ?

    ^^^ that was a hella intro, multis nice flow on point...

    honestly if i was to quote the hottest part i would be this whole drop lol..

    10/10 i have never seen someone drop a deep concept from a bible and not only flow sic killed the multis, vocab good, but you also was teaching people a bit of the pass for those who dont go to chruch or dont believe in god u pretty much gave the run down on what happen how and why... NICE..

    best ive read in a very very long time

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    Wow thx man, it mean a lot. really does, its so hard to get good critique these days, everyone fell into crunk junk music, and forgot about depth. And then you got these guys who have amazing depth and insight, but yet no rhyme schemes anymore and if at all it's weak as can be. I was going for a great new story from a great old story, packed with that great rhyme scheme that hits everytime that you never really see anymore. It's so hard for most people to use insight with rhyme scheme, so I did my best.

    Once again thank you so much, for the feedback. For all you others check this out give some feedback, question this piece, and question me. Don't just sit there get in here lets have a discussion and make it fun.

    Peace out, Marratti Phantom

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    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    I juss read this joint and was blown away by the profound voice u used.
    Great execution. Got off track a bit, but the flow was ill so I ain't trippin.
    I will give more feed when I'm not one my phone tho.
    Good stuff. Do u spit Gospel Rap? We should collab!

    Stay up!

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    The Legend KnowP's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    I juss read this joint and was blown away by the profound voice u used.
    Great execution. Got off track a bit, but the flow was ill so I ain't trippin.
    I will give more feed when I'm not one my phone tho.
    Good stuff. Do u spit Gospel Rap? We should collab!

    Stay up!

  7. #7
    Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere
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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    this piece was dope man, mnice story of another story

    flow was nice, structure was good

    i agree the inro was dope

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    hell yeah thank you so much guys, you guys really don't know how much it means to me.

    keep uppin tell your peeps, tell your friends, family whoever gettem to critique the piece.

    Peace out, Marratti Phantom
    And no I don't spit Gospel rap Dezined Thoughts, but I would love to do a collab, cause really I'll spit anything, even Gospel. I just love to write, it's my heart and soul, it's my second life, besides my wife, child, and dog.

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    Quote Originally Posted by M-Phantom View Post
    hell yeah thank you so much guys, you guys really don't know how much it means to me.

    keep uppin tell your peeps, tell your friends, family whoever gettem to critique the piece.

    Peace out, Marratti Phantom
    And no I don't spit Gospel rap Dezined Thoughts, but I would love to do a collab, cause really I'll spit anything, even Gospel. I just love to write, it's my heart and soul, it's my second life, besides my wife, child, and dog.
    word up... imma get at u some time this week with a concept
    and u better bring heat like u did right here...

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    i thought this was well written a lil dark no fully by scripture but i guess that when your imagination came into play, the first stanza was really good,
    imagery was great also keep them coming

  11. #11
    Fists of Führer Chris White's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    I'd like to say more than what's been said here, you really got off topic a few times and that's an easy mistake for many writers, plus - you wrote quite a bit, so I commend you on content. I think you're lacking some big wow lines for a piece this profound and almost "prophetic" - I really felt your voice was lacking and was kinda just force feeding the words to us like..."take it or leave it" and I'm not one to really enjoy that. A lot of good stuff in this piece too outweigh the bad man, but overall it was just alright for me.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...316/index.html
    hit this up for me ^
    Scytsophrenia

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chris² View Post
    I'd like to say more than what's been said here, you really got off topic a few times and that's an easy mistake for many writers, plus - you wrote quite a bit, so I commend you on content. I think you're lacking some big wow lines for a piece this profound and almost "prophetic" - I really felt your voice was lacking and was kinda just force feeding the words to us like..."take it or leave it" and I'm not one to really enjoy that. A lot of good stuff in this piece too outweigh the bad man, but overall it was just alright for me.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...316/index.html
    hit this up for me ^
    I really don't see where I got off topic, but then again I am the writer and you are the reciever so your not really going to have same imagery that I got when writing it. But I guess every piece will be more personal to the writer than anyone who could ever read a written piece. I know it might sound kind of hoky to you, but you could say that the last stanza where he go's into the master of death, go's off topic but really it doesn't to me. You just have to look harder, think deeper.

    1. This is a Story about Judas Iscariot
    2. In the story we have 3 main identities, and only 3 speakers
    they are, 1. Judas 2. Jesus 3 Lucifer...
    3. Each explains a little bit of what happened during the betrayal.
    Judas walks with the snake, he took him in before Jesus ever even had the chance. The devil is the teacher in this story Judas takes the devils hand and the he tells him to follow Christ. Now Jesus when he speaks he's more of this is what happened to me, and why did you do it Judas. He's not really preaching to Judas, we know that story from the bible so I didn't really want to take that route.
    I wanted to show the possible relationship of Judas and The Snake

    4. Where it go's into the master of death part I wanted to get the reader more aquainted with Judas, I wanted the reader to really feel his madness inside that the devil put inside him. I wanted the reader to feel like this is Judas speakin directly to the reader, and at the same time it might be possible that he still roams this earth even in today's world. That his influence cause such devastation in the past that his voice still leaves tears in the back of a persons mind in todays world. You have to really feel Juda's madness to understand it. Even in big hollywood box office movies Dracula is sometimes portrayed as Judas. Judas is forever imbedded in the back of our minds. So who and what could all he have influenced?

    See where I'm getting at? You just have to look deeper, the part where Judas go's into a rap frenzy was put in there for a purpose.
    Maybe I should have left it out, but hopefully this will clear things up a bit.
    Last edited by M-Phantom; October 25th, 2009 at 10:19 AM

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    anyone else got feed?

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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    I guess thios is the last ups then. k i'll leave it at that.

  15. #15
    Soule
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    Re: The Story of Judas.

    Yeah, you went off topic a few times. And the wording seemed to fall apart here and there. But other then that. Really nice read man, your deffinently one of those writers that are going to carry this forum when vets like me are gone. The storytell was solid. You really set up the description on this one. Besides a few spots where you seemed to lose connection with the concept. This was really straight forward. Keep writing man, I'm impressed with what you've brought thus far.

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