Wk 4; boberric (2-1) Vs Mariah (2-1) [VOTE!]

[Orc]

http://i31.tinypic.com/14479ja.jpg


I think we all know how this goes, but for the few new additions;

Check in by Wednesday, or YOU LOSE! No exceptions.
This is to reduce the chances of you turning faggot at the last minute and posting up an old piece you wrote years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh and don't do gay things that show how bad you really suck.

Maximum FIFTY lines, if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ.
Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

No show twice in a row and you're OUT, for at least a week.
Oh, and & 3 voting links or you lose. NO exceptions.

[Mariah]

Alrighty, we'll see. check and good luck Bob.

[_Lyrics]

check..
you too, mariah

[Mariah]

All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
- Jane Wagner/Lily Tomlin (1939- )

Bucket List

The past is waiting for this massive fragrance to pass, it's blatant
To say I'm patient is a laughing statement as I laugh at statesmen
I stand basic - a teen who plans to show race isn't a crown to wear
As I denounce the fair play and hit angels to wrap around their hair
It's a heavenly affair, but I've never liked to stare and smile with love
While every child with a life will go through their own trials; so tough
I'm dying to touch my soul - it's a hopeful song, so I'll tune my voice
Once this luminous cardboard holds me by strings as I cue the hoist
Life's a play and I'm reviewed by choice - truth matters to somebody
But none smooth enough to glove and drop you in waters as muddy
As the ones I've cried rivers in; gallons of slivers swim in these eyes
Now I quiver in disguise as an arrow as I thrive upon whim to survive

I've said it here, no bluffing - repetitive and bluntly
These sedatives I touch seem regretted, yet so lovely
I remember I'm a nothing and these bugs conflict
Leave some of this for thieves as we run from this
Bleed from the hip, kill hops in your step soon
Feel God's in the next room - lost in a dead womb
Stop with the mess too, I need a fix and yet
I wish I've met the wishes that I wish were met
The discontent won't diss the content or body
But this won't help me be the best, nor godly
So I'm oddly shaped and I'm awfully full
And my hunger aches while my heart bleeds whole
Hardly though, it has become a time in the black
My mind is one tracked; playing Sublime in the back
I wish I was a new girl in a new world for birds
As a few words would do work for the few who had heard
True hues can turn shades of black to green
That's a scene that's never seen as racks are cleaned
So after we re-shelf my casing and let it be
Let it be! Nothing's erased to just forget and leave

The list drones on, I've always wanted more as this wish goes on
No more a glitch in spawns of Satan - no son of a bitch to prawn
Every list has a job, candidates have a fake list to share and use
I'm the first lady in America without debates to prove I care for you
Lose a hair or two? I may, but the rest can work while they're gone
It's like I have grass with no home - there's no perks from the lawn
But I smirk as I'm caught in a candid shot; I notice my selfish groan
I battle the kitchen for life - it's nothing more than the helpless know
While the health is low and dirty in the depths of this sewage place
The selfless grow into plateaus...it's something I've pursued to waste
I hallucinate...I'm a curbside prophet waiting for my rocket to rot
I'm a big influence or perhaps I'm influenced by my bottle of Scotch

My list has yet to begin, yet the bucket follows me
And homeless is what I am, but not what I want to be

[_Lyrics]

Outward Implosion

-a man in a deep sleep
awakens, and is taken for
relating this safe haven
to betray satan and believe he-

http://www.scurvoriginalz.com/image/16083915.jpg

and my eyes open slow, coaxed in hope, laminated
scanning places, as my soul is shown, contaminated
Reanimated by untold unknowns, listening's gotten me
the whistleing autumn breeze, and whispering prophecy
wishing comradary, it says it's the god of my church
demons are walking the earth, never stopping the hurt
an offers alert, I agreed to being his wrathful hand
the tasks of man brought down on me like bags of sand
stabbing slants with sharp corners, to fully note
I see only hosts of dark forces, and holy ghosts
with lost courses.. god orders me to be slightly daring
a knife comparing to this mans throat, slice his larynx
dispite your theories, evolution's the best bred division
get ready for another execution, the next exhibition
a dead end to killing, way down the path of nowhere
I have to go there, this way I'm stabbing so fierce
jabbing slow sheers, I accepted his greatest graces
confessing my heinous bases, deaths been shaded blatant
but embraced and shameless, searching in attics, basements
dramatic chases for attacking capers, leaving heads eradicated
in fact, I brake in like I was bourne the ultimatum
ripping the disks out his back to see if his skull will play them
his eyes go dull and fading.. others virtually crying in pain
i'm splicing my brain,
someone murder me! while i'm internally fighting harangues
inside I'm insane, I sit with an axe in the dark til his wife comes
and turns the lights on, slashed as she walks, and her lifes gone
she wont die long, I promise, it will only happen forever
a house with glass I can enter, windows get blasts in the center
there shadows go dimmer, as I make my way to another premises
a mother with her kids, my mind flutters suspicion, switching
what utter commitment meant.. "god! you are rightfully ruler
with lost sight, they should not die"..seeing lights of a cruiser
he pulled a quiet maneuver, then 4 cops beat and maced me
they treat me crazy, and seen the lady.. i'm breathing lazy
dreaming plainly, til he laughs and says "my truths implored
I left everything you knew endured by my chores, from Lucifer
killing two or more, you can deny to say it cannot be an angle
sorry's disabled, knowing the ones you killed are guardian angels

I'll see you when your dead..."

-a man in a deep sleep
awakens, and is taken for
relating this safe haven
to betray satan and believe he

my eyes open slow and- all a dream?
or Outward Implosion

[_Lyrics]

sure just make sure you can drop tomorrow though

[Mariah]

done, thanks for your patience.

[Engivale]

Mariah - pretty tight piece, I think it was one of the best I've read from you... flow was great, sometimes it kind of directed your writing a little bit too much, like, some of the phrasing got a bit awkward because u were trying to keep the flow going and it ended up with strangely worded parts. I thought the story was really cool, tho, u kept it going along really nicely. My fav part:

I've said it here, no bluffing - repetitive and bluntly
These sedatives I touch seem regretted, yet so lovely
I remember I'm a nothing and these bugs conflict
Leave some of this for thieves as we run from this
Bleed from the hip, kill hops in your step soon
Feel God's in the next room - lost in a dead womb
Stop with the mess too, I need a fix and yet
I wish I've met the wishes that I wish were met

^^Really nice, mariah... I love the content in it... the whole italicized part was nice, really, and the end wrapped it up nice.

boberric - seemed a little disjointed. Your rhyme skills kind of tend to lead you in crazy directions with your content, in the mold of Ninjah Red, you kind of seem to take the first thing that sounds good and rhyme it, keep rhyming it, and then by the end of the piece its a bunch of decent lines that sound cool but come together about as well as pizza and mayonnaise... if u catch my drift... the verse just didn't hold my attention, man, there wasn't a lot to grasp onto and make a story out of. I think the flow is still awesome, you just got to put it together with a tight story like that superhero thing u did a few weeks ago. Good effort, but I think Mariah got you, here, bro.

vote mariah

[Cody Nash]

bob, your rhyming is nuts most of the time, but here you seemed really jittery... you forced a lot of rhymes and sort've went off on tangents here and there. I have to admit though that I enjoyed the story, it wasn't bad. just you seemed like you were forcing your words off and on. like some lines just didn't sit well with me, dunno... not bad, but not up to your normal standard that you've been dropping in past weeks.


mariah, to be honest I don't read much of your stuff, but I really do like your writing... there wasn't much bad about this piece at all. it wasn't even really that cliche, sure it was about homeless people which is a cliche concept all together on this website, but you made it about how the homeless WANTS to be more than homeless... I love how you related good to bad in a lot of the lines, really grabbed my attention when you did it. like those last couple lines with the bottle of scotch and influences, that was awesome... loved that part... all around good piece...




I think mariah sort've took this without a doubt. although both did good, mariah's was just better for me...




vote Mariah

[Born To Kill]

Mariah held together a story better...relayed what was happening with alot less confusion. Honestly, I got kinda lost in Bob's...
He came real heavy on vocab and twisting wordplay here and there.
That was tight...
But overall, I think I lost the scene, meaning...more than once.
Mariah's was openly heartfelt and lost...a common theme with you kids...
But the homeless angle played nicely into it...liked the political view as well...
That went kinda deep, and timely, considering the election this year, all the promises being given.

Vote: Mariah