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Thread: Welcome to Hell Pt. 1

  1. #1
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Welcome to Hell Pt. 1


    Welcome To Hell Pt. 1
    he woke up drenched in sweat sucking wet
    keys glued to his hand but the wrong set
    they weren't to his corevette, his body ached
    was he drunk or abducted? he wondered, or even awake
    he pinched his wet arm a slight sting yes this was real
    he was concealed in a red room walls made of steel
    he screamed yelled and hit the walls until his knuckles swelled
    then a booming voice shocked him by saying
    mike your in hell


    Mike
    who are you how do you know my name?

    The voice
    silence yourself i am you sins mike your own lit flames
    I am the feelings and thought counjoured when your title is proclaimed
    the inevitable taker of souls look at what you became
    when you were a boy you were honest untouched by the worlds ways
    but to that your own rotten greed brung disarray
    don't act astonished or display a hint of dismay
    you've set the board mike its time to play

    Mike
    but what evil all my life i've made an honest living
    Never Mistreating never cheating and always forgiving


    The Voice
    Your a lawyer mike you've let rapist and murderers roam free
    You've caged yourself in your that prison your soul belongs to me
    you'll feel the wrath of banshees, your entire essence will be nothing but debris
    you've a final test to take one final degree


    A swirl of fire swept in front of Mikes eyes
    his saw the souls of victims he saw hate he saw demise
    he felt his soul crumble and his spirit break
    he felt his heart taken deep into hells gates



    To be continued....
    Last edited by Truth Iscariot; August 24th, 2007 at 01:14 PM

    AI

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  2. #2
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Welcome to Hell Pt. 1

    yup short but i wanna make sure i got it right before continuing on a second part so reply

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=346493

    ^^^ dope ass johnny six feet went on so ill flowing shit

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-346084.html

    ^^^ some new comers attempt at an open mic if he was more focused it would have been bettter
    Last edited by Truth Iscariot; August 24th, 2007 at 01:15 PM

    AI

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  3. #3
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: Welcome to Hell Pt. 1

    Nice drop man...

    Had some parts with some strong imagery, yet could be added too even...



    A swirl of fire swept in front of Mikes eyes
    his saw the souls of victims he saw hate he saw demise
    he felt his soul crumble and his spirit break
    he felt his heart taken deep into hells gates

    ^^ i thought that part was dope... BUT, you could take out a few of the he's sometimes repeating the same word works really well... but i thought in this case you can take a few of them out. Overall you started crafting a pretty cool story, i like how he was a lawyer and didn't commit the crimes himself but still they came back to haunt him. Nice kind of irony.... good work here Truth pretty dope.
    READ MORE

  4. #4
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Welcome to Hell Pt. 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Twixn... View Post
    Nice drop man...

    Had some parts with some strong imagery, yet could be added too even...



    A swirl of fire swept in front of Mikes eyes
    his saw the souls of victims he saw hate he saw demise
    he felt his soul crumble and his spirit break
    he felt his heart taken deep into hells gates

    ^^ i thought that part was dope... BUT, you could take out a few of the he's sometimes repeating the same word works really well... but i thought in this case you can take a few of them out. Overall you started crafting a pretty cool story, i like how he was a lawyer and didn't commit the crimes himself but still they came back to haunt him. Nice kind of irony.... good work here Truth pretty dope.
    thanks man i's be shaking my rust off fast ass speeddy gonzalez

    AI

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