When I.

[Gangsta MC]

Im still looking back on all the moments we spent together…
And holding you…
……………as I told you I loved you and I meant forever…
It was my intent to never…hurt you, I never did though…
But you hurt me…
……………and thought it was funny like I was a kid show…
Wish I could have hid low..from all of your torment you gave…
From all of the…
……………mind games you played, I was your vent for hate…
And morbid I came..and I would have thought you cared…
Cause one time…
……………you were happy with me, I brought you there…
And I caught you where…you fell down from last time…
Made you rise up…
……………and shimmer in my eyes like brass chimes…

But…
Im Ok..Im Ok, It only hurts when I take a breath…
And everyday, All the pain just aches my chest…
But…
Im Ok..Im Ok, It only hurts when I take a breath…
And everyday, I wish I could just make us rest…

You were my everything, you honestly were my life support…
You pulled the plug…
……………and I lay motionless cause this night is short…
And I might resort...to a flat line, I just cant believe this…
I just tried so hard…
…………to stay with you, but now the relationship, we leave it…
Still surrounded by your deceived bliss…I just cant escape…
You still haunt me…
……………You just wont go away cause you grant me hate…
I don’t get a chance to make…you see how I truly felt inside…
But you don’t care!…
……………You never did, every time you left I fell and cried…
Nothing will help my pride…I saved you…now you save me!…
I know you wont…
……………Never will, cause I just know how you hate me…

But…
Im Ok..Im Ok, It only hurts when I take a breath…
And everyday, All the pain just aches my chest…
But…
Im Ok..Im Ok, It only hurts when I take a breath…
And everyday, I wish I could just make us rest…

Now time has passed me by, I got over it, but let me ask you why…
You treated me like shit?…
……………was it because Im nice? So that makes me last in line?…
Im starting to grasp the signs…it wasn’t me at all…now was it?…
It was all you!…
……………and you loved it, Just look at what all of this love did…
You’re the only one that does this…I cant believe I fell for it too…
Im so stupid…
……………yet I truly did loved you, now this war, its through…
My heart you tore it too…but its coming back together but better…
Than before cause…
…………Im over you, I learned from you that forever means never…
Hope your on that endeavor forever…so you stay out of my life…
You really hurt me…
…………and you know that, cause loving you came with a hefty price…

But…
Im Ok..Im Ok, It only hurts when I take a breath…
And everyday, All the pain just aches my chest…
But…
Im Ok..Im Ok, It only hurts when I take a breath…
And everyday, I wish I could just make us rest…

I'll post links later.

[Mic D]

I'll post links later.

I'll post feedback later.

[Gangsta MC]

Ok noobess'ness.

[Mic Dareall]

Ok noobess'ness.

Lmao......moron

[Gangsta MC]

Dope.

[warchild]

I dont normally like the realationshp/Break Up/Love type pieces cause to me there just corny as fuck. But this piece wasnt too bad i think the reason i liked it was pretty much the flow, the structure was hard to follow at times but i did catch the flow. Your imagery was ok maybe could of been a bit more graphic to make the piece more complex. Your vocab was decent enough for the subject maybe it could of been upped to get your emotions out stronger and i think you should of mixed in some metaphors to add complexity to the piece. Overall a decent piece but a nice flow, next time fix your structure cause its all over the place and try and up your imagery make it more graphic.
Return the feed on my OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=245014