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Thread: Cannibal.

  1. #1
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    Cannibal.

    Footfalls softly on the ground the air disturbed by breath,
    The smog clings tight to sharp eyesight which disappears as death,
    She blinks and with a whimper, holds the torn sleeve of her jumper tight,
    And catching the faint smell of sweat, stumbles furthur into the night,
    The blood it laps the ground with a burning crimson tongue,
    And tastes the oil that from the back of fogged up cars has come,
    She tries to run, and halts to drag the last vague rasps of air,
    That fall before her on the path and scratch their fingers through her hair,
    Pulling her back, the voice it shatters silence, jagged edge of knife,
    The sound that pierced the molten sky and threatened to steal her life,
    He could be close, but where? Hiding in the dense and heavy mist,
    So near and crouched, or far away, the glint clenched in his fist,
    He smelled her pain, her sensed her fear he crept on silent claw,
    With eagerness dripping from greed soaked lips his pupils wide, in awe,
    The flicker from the streetlamp caught the silver in his palm,
    The sick anticipation reflected from an inner desire to harm,
    His racing heart paced faster, his ears pricked, desperate for noise,
    He found what he was craving, the one thing that he enjoyed,
    He yelped and in an instant sunk his teeth into her knee
    She screamed and cried in anguish as the wound began to bleed,
    He licked the garnet stream until it meandered down his face,
    And pushed his weight upon her, in a hunger fuelled embrace,
    Her body jerked and squirmed her eyes began to burst,
    He sucked up every splat of blood yet did not quench this thirst,
    A monster, or a man? You wonder, where this craving first did start,
    A flow of anger to the head, or a beating to the heart?
    Def Poets

  2. #2
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Very impressive piece, i dont think youve ever read my Om's but my style is very dark so i was really feeling this piece due to the content.
    The story was written real well it didnt stray off topic at all which always helps you told it from your perspective and the perspective of the victim but the piece was still very focused which is good because a lot people would lose the story if they were telling it from 2 perspectives you didnt which made the piece stronger. Your imagery was brilliant very detailed and descriptive i was picturing the scene as i was reading the piece and that barely happens when i read Om's. You described the actions of the guy very well but also the victims which was good so the story wasnt just one way.
    Your vocab was also nice you never overused it so the piece was never cryptic. You used the vocab properly there wasnt just a bunch of big words in their for the sake of it, it just made the piece really stand out. I cant criticise this piece i was impressed and im a cocky bastard so you should be happy with this feed cause most Om's are wack. Keep Writing I'll Be Looking Out For Your Next Piece.
    Can you return the feed on my new Om:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244305
    I got caught for killing time but then i got away with words-Chino XL

  3. #3
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    yeah thanks alot i will return the favour tomorrow when i sober up lol just didnt wanna write a load of bull 2nite coz im tired and need to get the drink outta my system lol. love you kid, thanks for the feed it realy means alot to me, i will hit yours up 2mora for sure thanks FanTa
    Def Poets

  4. #4
    Banned
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

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