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Thread: the innate wisdom

  1. #1
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    the innate wisdom

    it used to be,

    I had wisdom.. & the anger to perish my victims when risen
    but my temper was softened by endless descriptions
    of hard times & marred lives, when the tide rose up to my elbow
    they were overtaken by waves of sadness, in turn i felt low
    my lack of intercession, had 'em strapped to depression like velcro,
    it caused my heart to melt slow.. I didn't want it to be
    but I allowed it to happen cuz it was more than the trees,
    the grass, and the nature that made this world good..
    I granted freedom.. so the world would be like the world could
    sometimes my lip curled up, as things went wrong quick
    but I knew, they would be fixed by conscience & strong wit
    they'd come back better, unfettered & strict to the letter
    my knowledge created college...it equipped them forever
    in trouble, they'd fall in the game, they were always the same..
    suffered the result of their choices & kept calling my name
    i pushed them aside; all knowing, never shook by the lies
    they couldn't find happiness.. so instead of looking inside,
    they came to me with no bravery, & wouldn't face defeat
    but hated me & blamed me with slavery as i saved the least
    of the pitiful creatures for another day & turned the other cheek
    i could've destroyed them.. but why make my brothers weak?
    well thats how it was, i knew they wouldnt last from my vision
    of the future for humanity.. so i stood fast in decisions
    they called me omnipotent, when neighbors were watching
    it didn't fool. i knew their behavior was flopping
    just the other week.. i was cursed out by so many people
    they used my name in vain & hadn't noticed the evil
    that was creeping amongst themsevles, lungs were depressing
    as they breathed my air.. which never stunned their expression
    they just grew more vile, in denial of their sinful acts
    unknowing, they were at my whim, as i grew grim & trimmed the axe

  2. #2
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    iunno, maybe i suck at topicals now, cuz i used to get a lot of replies. i mean damn, i know im rusty, but come on !

    < replied to bounce, evolve, edicius collabo. will reply to more later, whether or not the rule for links is in effect

  3. #3
    bitch.
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    This was a nice drop. Had the feeling of a mad poet, against the world kinda. The emotion of Ur anger was excellent, if it were polticial, U would get Ur point across. Always, as if U were selling Ur anger to the reader, and I bought it. I was into the whole verse, because U kept me interesting. Flow was never off, the vocabulary was mediocre, and the rhyme scheme wasnt bad. Hardly anything I can find wrong, but U couldn've definitly made it better if it had some sort of story behind it. A tragic incedent, reasons for Ur anger. Dont think Urs was very clear. More of a diary type. Great piece though man.

    9.5/10

  4. #4
    bitch.
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Feeble Minded
    iunno, maybe i suck at topicals now, cuz i used to get a lot of replies. i mean damn, i know im rusty, but come on !

    < replied to bounce, evolve, edicius collabo. will reply to more later, whether or not the rule for links is in effect
    Links rule's in effect ... I don't really bother harrassing admins / supermods for links, though, it's a bit pointless considering you guys can open your threads again whenever you like, and I know for a fact that you DO reply to pieces. It still would be good if you could get those links anyway, though, it just sets the right example for the new kids, you know?
    ...

  6. #6
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Feebs...hit this, aight...it should be worth the read.
    Why Meth, Insanity, & Janitors Don't Mix...

    This is a bit different than you normally drop...

    Normally I feel ya sending a message, Feebs.
    Cuz despite ya age, I feel, in ya rhymes...you have alot to teach about life.

    Not that you've lived it so fully...you just have good insight.

    This wasn't a teaching, meaningful rhyme...this had anger in it.

    Kinda a hopeless feeling, one you're not thrilled about having...you've shown it before, but not very often.

    Great flow, blah, blah, blah...that's a given.

    But very good, aggressive joint, man.

    Almost like you're coming from the view of Jesus or God.

    Nice shit! Now hit mine!!!

  7. #7
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    i liked this, but i have to say it appeared some of the rust was showing. i dunno to me it seemed like your word choice was a little iffy in some spots. it wasnt quite up to par with what you were dropping in ss last season. not to me anyways. i did like how you didnt seem to hold much back in this piece, the angle you took on it was much different then how you normally write. it was a nice shake up and the idea and theme of this was cool. i just think the rust and word choice showed jus a lil bit. dont get me wrong this was still good and way above average for an om, but for you it seemed a little below par.

    please return the favor
    my om: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...02#post2676102
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  8. #8
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    A pedestrian topic but you carried it well, some good imagery:

    "of hard times & marred lives, when the tide rose up to my elbow
    they were overtaken by waves of sadness, in turn i felt low
    my lack of intercession, had 'em strapped to depression like velcro, "

    and dope multi's too, i think you got the level of vocab just right for the piece. i've seen you do better than this but i place the blame of the topic for that one. it was still a perfectly solid piece and it kept me reading. are you in the topical league feeble? i need some good competition this season.

    Keep posting, and please return the favour.

    SS League Record 31-8
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  9. #9
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
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    Nyce piece. I could really feel the flow .. some vocab cud'a been upped tho .. The rhym sheme you had to like casue it was flawless .. but the story, this is just a guess .. but were you playing the character of God? it kinda felt like it, some hot lines

    that was creeping amongst themsevles, lungs were depressing
    as they breathed my air.. which never stunned their expression
    they just grew more vile, in denial of their sinful acts
    unknowing, they were at my whim, as i grew grim & trimmed the axe
    ^ thought the ending was tight.

    Cheak this out
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=208512

    Pz.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Born To Kill
    Feebs...hit this, aight...it should be worth the read.
    Why Meth, Insanity, & Janitors Don't Mix...

    Almost like you're coming from the view of Jesus or God.
    yep.. thats because i was coming from the standpoint of God.. as if i was God, but an angry God... kind of like the image of God the Puritans believed in. thansk for replying born, i'll get to your now. and to whoever said vocab was decent, i appreciate it...but i actually try to tone down my vocabulary. theres no sense in using a larger vocabulary if people dont understand it. i like to get my point across as best i can...sometimes it takes a more difficult word, sometimes not. thanks to everyone for replying.

  11. #11
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
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    O alright. I like this great flow, and GREAT imagery. Good vocab. Loved the multi'z. The emotion was OK, needs to be upp. I like the appprocah you took in this piece. Like you said you was giving an view of a angry god..Which is orignal and creative.

    Nice.

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  12. #12
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    not completely original: johnathan edwards did the whole angry God bit way before me, but he never dared to use first person and mine was completely different. i thought it'd be a nice change of pace.

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