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Thread: A New Approach

  1. #1

    A New Approach

    Im new in this rap game, brothas never heard of me/
    But im a menace, cops still wanna murder me/
    From day to night i play the mic and you'll think GOD/
    I wreck shit so much the microphone will need a paintjob/
    Its like that, you know its like that/
    I got it man so now you'll neva get the mic back/
    When i attack there aint a army that can strike back/
    So I react neva calmly on a hype track/
    I set it off wit my own rhyme/
    Cuz im as ill as a convict who kills fa fun time/
    God gave me this rappin gift/
    So if u wanna rap i suggest ya stick to wrappin gifts/
    To let u niggaz know it aint no messin wit me/
    I leave ya witout ya left eye like TLC/
    And you dont really want it wit me for the record/
    I put a couple careers on hold, u could be next kid/
    So keep outside the danger zone/
    Or you gon make that boy Sincere put ya name in this song/

    ^^^short freestyle i was in a hurry...lookin for feedback

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203372
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203480

  2. #2
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    It was positive of the piece that you attempted wordplay, even though they were played concepts. You could have been more conscious of your line length, adding more content in some places to even it out. Elevation in consistency will come in time, and you will have less weak couplets scattered throughout.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200068

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    Start leaving longer feedback.

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