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Thread: Shit and Bloodstains

  1. #1
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    Shit and Bloodstains

    Everywhere i go i seem to see nothing but shit and blood stains
    And the remains of watching my brothers brain lay on the concrete
    In a way makes me feel incomplete all of the deciete of watching brothers lay 6 feet deep
    We're digging a hole thats nearly 6 feet steep putting our brothers to sleep
    Our population is bound to be 1,000,000 times less than a week
    Killing each other more than the romans and the critizizing greek
    As i watch little kids on the street develope the same technique
    Trying to simulate how to shoot some heat but dont realize there unique
    And dont have to be like everyone eles that follows the community
    When basically i thought it was all about a unity
    Now we act real bad and want to be immunity
    But now i acquire the opportunity but i want you to acknowledge
    All the shit thats in my brain and i havent even witnessed college
    I actually try to do some help and i get it spit in my face as a physical insult
    But i understand thats the result from helping a nigga
    Dependin on a trigga, neva want to achieve
    Never even want to read but believe and when a homie dies they just grieve
    They say life is more about giving than trying to recieve
    Not tryna decieve, just tryna percieve and watch the unwanted mama's concieve




    This is somethin i was just feelin, can you tell me how was it...I was just workin on it

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  3. #3
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    uppin

  4. #4
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    uppin, i will give feedback at your post just reply to mine!

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! kwik_trigger's Avatar
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    thats fuckin hot!!! when i read it i got a feel of nas and twista... more of an upbeat lyricist... i like that... good job, id like to hear it laid to tape, good luck with that shit

  6. #6
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    Thanks man, i really appreciate your feedback....Just another nigga livin, im recording it soon....lets see what everyone eles has to say

    Like i said thanks!

  7. #7
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    uppin!!!!!!!

  8. #8
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    This was good. You had some nice multis. Some of the better vocab words looked like they were put in there just because, or not used correctly.
    Check out "Insecurity" below.

  9. #9
    This was ok, not the best piece though.

    You had a few decent lines, but some wer weak imo.

    Your structure was off aswell and it would help if you used some punctuality man, keep droppin

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166208
    Return the reply

  10. #10
    The True Psycho of RB
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    I really like this verse, it was deep and good emotion in the words, the structure was a bit off but like you said your just working on it, the flow was nice so was the vocab. overall a really nice verse.

  11. #11
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    Thanks, uppin

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