Party Animal (Free poetry)

[>Inertia>]

Party Animal

With liquor punching through my veins,
bursting through my feverish blood
the night drags on forever,
behind me like a corpse.
I’m a goddamn party animal
the stars can’t catch up
I swear,
The sun took a day off,
now the moon is standing still,
its visage leering at the science experiment below,
cringing at my failed ‘moves’
directed at the skirt in red
teasing me through the waves of fellow degenerates.
Now both arms have stopped moving
Nominal numbers melt into one another
Time has no place by my side
I’m getting hammered, whether the clock approves
or not.

The tequila rushes straight to my heart,
as the blood rushes away from my penis,
and your corneas are engulfed with wisps of lust,
You’re dancing like-
you just watched Saturday Night Fever
I’m John Travolta, vacant in the chair
I don’t want to sit
I want to dance with you
but sitting is the only thing
preventing me from falling over

Teenage lips coincide
and the bitter taste of booze
stagnates on your tongue.
I’ve pissed on your virtues
It’s not that I wouldn’t take advantage of you
It’s that I already have.

[>Inertia>]

peep this.

I know its not like much of the other poetry on this site..but w/e.

[Mesmerize]

nice drop to be freewritten. I liked your wordchoice to this...i kinda thought the idea was creative- the aspect you put into it. Theres not a whole lot i can say about freewritten poems, except for nice imagery and creativity. I really enjoyed reading this though, it was interesting. Sorry for the lame ass feed, just dont know what to say about this one except great job. Keep it up.

peace,
Mez

[>Inertia>]

^no worries. Free poetry is very hard to critique, I know. Just wanted some overall opinions.

[>Inertia>]

upping

[bigdumbelephant]

Its not that I dont want to take advantage of you . . .
I already have, you just dont know it yet
and once the imprint of you gets lost somewhere
in the rinse cycle of just another hangover
I'll deny the whole night ever happened
acting like I remember the texture of your tongue
I'm just out to lick deposits from the folds of your gums
"she's my lil whiskey girl" and if I get a buzz off of you
suck and swallow me whole till your cheeks explode,
your so cute drinking my 151 while trying to scream
"no no no, baby
dont push so hard, your gonna break me!"
Hell no I dont lick no pussy
open wide and close your eyes, you filthy slut
you are not pretty! You are not special
you will not wake up next to me
you get no goodbye kiss
suck me bitch suck me bitch suck me . . . .

"what the fuck did you just say?"
whaddya mean baby? Saaaaay, can I get a drink, baabay?
Could you maybe just go back over there
and quit innerupting my fantasy baby? your so fucking hot and . ..

(please continue)

[>Inertia>]

you;re an idiot.

[bigdumbelephant]

are all of the poets on this board sensitive little twats?

[>Inertia>]

No, but I wanted critique.

[bigdumbelephant]

if you wanted critique and only critque, maybe you should have stated that right away. telling me to "peep it" is pretty broad, dont you think?

[>Inertia>]

ANYWAYS

upping for more CRITIQUE

[SMZ]

pretty much the same thing Mez said - I liked how you did it overall - nothing else to really say unless I really studied it and started bickering about individual words - which I don't feel like...

[Gengar]

i love it... i can relate in a way... how damn seductive they are when they dance... i cheated on my grilfreind a couple times... i regret it now... hurts both way too much... but yeah i liked it... loved the personification...

one thing i would change is the repetitiveness...

like for example

i dont want to sit... i need to move
i want to dance with you

just explain... but other than that... chea... was good enjoyable... lots of people prob can relate to the lust of new years

wrap that rascal