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Thread: They ask

  1. December 25th, 2003, 09:34 PM #1
    Phantasia
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    They ask

    They ask: Why are you with him? He don't want you!
    They ask: Why do you stay when you know he's untrue?
    They ask: Can't you see he has a girl on the side?
    He's affraid of committment cause secrets he does hide.
    They ask: Why doesn't he take you out and buy you nice things?
    They ask: How come he don't answer his phone when it rings?
    They ask: Tell me why he never has time for you?
    They ask: Why homeboy got you on a schedule?
    They ask: How can you love a nigga if he don't love you?
    They ask: When are you gonna wake up and see he's not for you?
    It sounds like these people are really nosey, but the thing you must see is the real person asking these questions is Me!



    Tell me what you think.
    Last edited by Phantasia; December 25th, 2003 at 11:10 PM
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  2. December 25th, 2003, 09:41 PM #2
    Phantasia
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    Please be honest in your feedback don't sugar coat it cause that isn't gonna make me a better writer.

    Thanks and Peace1
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  3. December 25th, 2003, 11:38 PM #3
    blyndedsoul
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    that was a nice piece..but honestly a little too simple ...it could use some work on structure vocab and adding some poetic forms wouldnt be too bad either it was nice and creative the way u did they ask when it was really you but..maybe u should reconsider it and post it up again...im willin to help any way i can but ima a newbie too... holla...
    my head is clouded with senseless doubt
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  4. December 25th, 2003, 11:44 PM #4
    Phantasia
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    that's nice of you and I'm not a newbie I jus don't post that much anymore. I posted the begining to see what would be said I guess I should post the rest.
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  5. December 25th, 2003, 11:52 PM #5
    blyndedsoul
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    yea u def should post the rest..it will prob make all the diff...like i said im willin to help anyway i can...and it really was a good piece i read it a second time and i liked it alil more..so maybe i just needa new out look keep it up tho..
    my head is clouded with senseless doubt
    but this seems to be my only escape route
    so ill slither my way across the ground
    to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found
    ~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~
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  6. December 26th, 2003, 06:14 PM #6
    Prince Escobar
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    honestly im not felin it, it doesnt make sense, why would it be "They" instead of "She" it makes it sound better with "they" but it doesnt make sense, gramatically, idk that irritated me too much to like any of it, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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  7. December 26th, 2003, 07:55 PM #7
    Phantasia
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    I've decided not to post the rest I'm jus gonna stick to writing this book I started

    Da NFamous
    Thanks for the honesty and its not suppose to make sense but thanks anyway
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