It's on my computer soon as you get a mic.Originally Posted by A Disciple
I dont know what a topical is. Is that like a smoothie? A fruit drink?
It's on my computer soon as you get a mic.
I dont know what a topical is. Is that like a smoothie? A fruit drink?
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Leave me alone
@Pair-A-Dyce I think it means written and nah like if I try to sing a song to people cause I can’t remember the name they can’t even tell what tune I’m trying to carry the only song I sing to is “youuu… u got what I need but you say he just a friend” cause I can carry his tune LOL ~ biz marquis
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Written to Heaven or Hell
he things that we do just to make it through
Have you wondering what the fuck was I supposed to do
I believe in God AND the other fallen angel…
But I can’t punk out cause I see the other Stalin (stallen) angle
Can’t believe in one without the other
It’s like turning on my own fucking brother
It’s like comforting a widow or a grieving mother
Knowing, you still know another
Well I was just trying to make sense of it all
They chose to live life up and I chose to ball
They look down on you and try to make you look small
I don’t know who he is, but believe me I know his call
When it’s torture I do a line just to numb up
When it’s Fortier I play the ditz just to dumb up
Use my 4.0 for these streets and the plans I can drum up
And I ain’t got a team no more, dolo on the come up
Street sweeper, cleaning all the scavenger scum up
My pen, it turns into a ouji
Weeding cowards out like water out of a squeegee
The eyes in back of me
Have always been eyes that only I can see
They bring me comfort in my terrors throughout the night
I hear the whisper as if children cry like a lullaby when I’m searching without the light
And it ain’t pretty, and it ain’t cute
And where I am going I hardly dispute
Hook
I manned up, I started banging bullies on their backs
Get my fortune read to forewarn of attacks
To make it thru I used to drive with burners under my seat
I ran so much that I deserve the credit for flooding the street
And don’t you think I feel bad for evading that pod
But life equals up somehow to uneven the odd
The 3 little pigs, spent their careers tryin to squeeze me
3 in the hole and I got one just for popping breezy
And you look at me and think my life is all fucking easy
At any given moment we can be called just to appease he
And you know Valhalla’s fable
And there’s no doubt I am eating at that table
I know the power of my spirit horse when drilled in life and death
And I am on borrowed time so you best believe my brethren get my last breath
I know I suffer in the next so let me be free now
And I ain’t trying to repent cause we reep what we sow
Hell of a decision, die, kill, or go to jail
Either way we set up to fail
So what do you believe in? … heaven or hell
I think the la de dah church shit got most folk under a spell
I mean whose to say whose story they tell
I mean, let’s just be real why else the angel fell
I wanna hear two sides, please tell me a book was written
It’s all stories just like the little kitten that lost it’s mitten
Hook
Judged for the things we do
Judged by who
Judged by everyone
Judged these days even if you legally own a gun
Judged by your past, for the past shit you done
You even judged if you stand firm or you decide to run
Judged for your son, judged for your daughter
Ok by you all I don’t believe in that order
The order to tall
So give me the chains and strap me to that wall
All because I jumped in when I heard a prisoner call
And if we all write, then we all right
A gift of intellect, use it for sight
Use it for peace, use it for the fall
Use it at least, but when you do – just give it your all
And I can go on for 100 fucking bars
But I know in the end when I wake up it’d be in fucking MARS
Never fear God cause a true leader doesn’t use fear just to lead you
Never fear the devil, cause believe me he see through
Fear no man, only what fear just what you might do
And judge no one for what they do just to get thru.
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I feel Jada mad involved and instrumental in the belly chronicals too
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CLA919
Rudyard Kipplings IF… Interview with Dad
(His favorite poem)
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
(I can… it is why I was a great secretary)
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
(When I can’t I learned to trust God)
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
(Maybe I need to tone it down some. I just feel the need to be justified cause I don’t understand why)
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
(Like the nightmares Im having a hard time not letting them dictate my decisions)
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
(I analyze from every angle so they say I'm conflicted)
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
(Either way I turn to talk to God)
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
(It is why I ignore them posting from my accounts or twisting my words and etc)
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
(I got back up starting with demos in Walmart despite my degree but with all that took back to working full time in customer service despite my degree – I couldn’t stay building and I fell apart again – trying a different way and road)
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
(Would I do it again… I’d be more cautious but had to do at least once and I don’t regret it)
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
(Its why I won’t let go – unless to our other)
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
(I’m as ghetto as they come with a gift of tact)
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
(I’ve learned hurt me once, shame on you… hurt me twice shame on me… hurt me 5x and that showed my love and loyalty made me their bitch – never again)
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
(When I sat down at my cpu that night… it was the first thing I wanted to do was just put on my sneakers and run like that Cold Play video)
I hope so Dad… like this interview and how it reminds me that I was raised in accordance to your principals. Not surprised it’s your favorite poem but I feel at a loss. Here without you I can’t help but wonder why you aren’t too. I’m so confused. And to think of you crying in the corner before you fell makes me want to kill. I’ve watched you get served hard your entire life and minded my own business. But this at the end right here… I just can’t. And nah I’m not on some avenge ish I’m just praying you are where you are happiest cause you deserve it. It’s like we grew up together in some ways. I know you still walk with me I see the signs. I just hope I truly make you proud again one day. I miss you so much… we’ve come a long way from talks on the tennis courts… but still in a way it’s too short. Don’t leave me yet, please stay and watch over and be secure in knowing soon I will be happy again. I don’t need a man to do that Dad. And I assume the reason I’ve never said yes before is that they couldn’t come close to the man like you. You were a GREAT father. Ruthless in SO many other places but a GREAT father. I miss the best friend I had in you. Merry first Christmas in heaven… is it like the Christmas Carol – did you visit Christmas past?
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CLA919
Record the Just A Friend hook then, why you playin with me gurl. Tryna get these bars on wax and make fire song. Lets go
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Leave me alone
@Pair-A-Dyce record it on what?!?! I’m way too shy for that… smh but I would LOVE to get a shout out!!!
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It's like you know the key in the end
And your grin
Seals it in
With your smile
So when it begin
In sin
After all the truth within
Cause it's been a while
Look at me
Let me see your eyes
Your disguise you think is so free
What's really got me caught up
In all this switching shit… you know the touch is so me
HOOK
So tell me hero
What's the superstar shit have to do with me
Why your disguise don't quench my alibi for the darkness I love to see
Or when your coaching me
It's cute, it's strong, it's sexy
But so they say that's your game
Then dang
Bang - game tight
It still ain't right tho
You have my heart and you know it
On my knees
Begging you please
Don't make me show it
HOOK
Ain't got shit to do with dough
I hear you like a bug thrown up in my ear
But this torture done lasted for years
Not an annual year to year
Done with a smile, nod, as they cheer
But this, just to remind me of my fears
But I'm no longer scared to face him either (just did)
I made them a believer
So, what do I do?
Tick tock is ticking on the IOU and You? Betray Me?
Couldn't be!
I'm scared tho… would you?
Can I still trust you?
Like knights in shining bright armor be true?
HOOK
And this is all the shit I was going through
Trying to get to know you
The worst of you
Not the image you portrayed
Being another type chick… would I of stayed?
Obviously not…
HOOK
The most guarded so how am I the victim
My heart in your hands not even getting the attention
Not like I ever needed it before
But that's my score
Did I forget to mention
I'd lay down and die too in 2.2
No matter which disguise they can't hide their lies
I don't need to even see their eyes know no mo'
I know your true
Cause my soulmate told Im kinda like yours too
But what does it mean?
This was the last song I heard before the omega screamed
For once… I actually need the help back
But I don't get it
That still don’t' mean I regret it
Or am gonna let it
Or that I'm even gonna set it
Your heart beats too
So maybe you tell me, what's yours telling you?
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@Pair-A-Dyce maybe record someone reading the last part? Idk or any part you think is best…
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Yeah dropping him off right before he made me give that kid a ride to the empty office park it came on and I was so excited to hear it I turned it up…
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“Listen to Your Heart”
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CLA919
“Listen to Your Heart” don’t sleep on my “thought he was my band but he was my bubu (it just came out after work one day and stuck) if Ric knew what I thought was happening nah he wouldn’t hate me too. Like a God can be so mean… why? Like I’m just not adjusting… and to be honest I thought I only answered to one
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“Say it Right” Nelly Furtado like… he’s on my body in ways only god or your husband should be and nah idk what type of nun you think I would’ve come from… so like in marriage or relationships RESPECT is mandatory!!! I don’t respect him or that either… like I’m having a hard time understanding how this is under my god too.
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Just because you can do that doesn’t mean you’re my god… I’m 80% sure that My God wouldn’t hurt me but why he still let you demand we can go find out. EVERYONE know I’m so effing tired and fed up that I’m to the point I only care about mines and my family. And to suffer over this too like… it’s mad disrespectful to me after everything I have been thru already - let’s resolve this
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NO… what I need to make peace with and my priority isn’t really everyone’s business like that
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Like he can really just go tag any bitch he like, say he’s my god, and I don’t even like him or know who it is… HELL NO that is not my religion or culture. This ish right here is MY body above everything!!!
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CLA919
It feels like I’m forced to sit here with people I didn’t even date weren’t my boy friends and we didn’t even mess or at least not since 2007 but a sorry I tried nope… like I can’t even talk to the ones that were my boyfriends or I lived with? How that happen?
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And demand at that too? I didn’t ask for a new god though…
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I’m just trying to figure out why the neck and head pain started again… like homie get off me… I need help I really don’t know much about this stuff but like maybe it’s getting safe from a god who thinks they beat a bitch to respect them. Nah I never in my life gave my body or said I would share ever
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I wouldn’t take you on my side for nothing… ask your cousin to
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I don’t want to live some new life with a new god… I’m just trying to get back to mine
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They talk all that ish about jehova witnesses well what type religion are you that think and act like I don’t have the rite to say no your not my god and leave me alone
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How long I’ve been saying get off me… who and what the fuck are you?
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I don’t want some god or stranger or enemy this close to my body
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God isn’t stupid he’s god at least my god isn’t… that’s abusive as fuck
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No thank you sir… not interested
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Impressive? Had me fooled I thought it was god himself…
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NOPE!! And even if I did owe you a thing and didn’t already stand for real
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CLA919
lol a mod from this site made me your boyfriend for like a month and for awhile you didnt mind.. but in that time based on what you said i can see where your coming from you just get crowded.. its completely normal.. like who doesnt like their breathing space especially when they sleep or shower..
if you want to keep trying to make it work i am game..
just tell the mods that you want to make me your boyfriend again just to see how it goes this time..
atleast a part boyfriend might help you get over it rather then a full one because its a step in the right direction
curious más curioso y más curioso
Baby, oh
Even in my heart I see
You're not bein' true to me
Deep within my soul I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playin' games with my heart
(Quit playin' games with my heart) With my heart
(Before you tear us apart) My heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
I should've known from the start
(You know you've gotta stop) From my heart
(You're tearin' us apart) My heart, my heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
I live my life the way
To keep you comin' back to me
Everything I do is for you
So what is it that you can't see?
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
You'd better quit playin' games with my heart
(Quit playin' games with my heart) With my heart
(Before you tear us apart) My heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
I should've known from the start
(You know you've gotta stop) From my heart
(You're tearin' us apart) My heart, my heart
Quit playin' games
Baby, baby, the love that we had was so strong
Don't leave me hangin' here forever
Oh baby, baby, this is not alright, let's stop this tonight
Baby, oh
Quit playin' games
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, baby
Na, na, na, na, na
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playin' games with my heart
(Quit playin' games with my heart) With my heart
(Before you tear us apart) My heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
I should've known from the start
(You know you've gotta stop) From my heart
(You're tearin' us apart) My heart, my heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, baby
Na, na, na, na, na
Quit playin' games with my heart
Na, na, na, na, na, na...
With my heart (Na, na, na, na, baby)
With my heart
With my heart
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Leave me alone
@Candy I don’t mind you being my pretend boyfriend but what does that entail therapy wise? Like I just walk around and pretend or live like I have a boyfriend? Like I’m in sex therapy with my EX boyfriend and that seems to really be helping but I’m down to listen to any alternative type treatments.
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@Pair-A-Dyce I wanna hear it and see if I can put my listen to my heart in it anywhere… do you have audio?
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CLA919
I can hear @Pair-A-Dyce singin' this over them backstreet type beats as I read it
lol cool.. therapy wise its the same you just have no attachments was what i was thinking so if anyone asks if you have a boyfriend you can say yes or no - depending how you feeling.. so if you feeling crowded like your being forced to have sex then you drop it then pick it back up when you actually feel like you want to be in a relationship..
eventually you should get to your level that you want for yourself.. because theres a real person on the other end you can talk it out with not just a therapist
curious más curioso y más curioso
Sex therapy with my ex is going really good actually… we’re not getting back together by any means but it’s helping a lot.
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CLA919
sweeeeeeeeeet
because that was one of your main issues you was bringing up lol
cool cool well forget that idea..
hehe
hope your having a good day on top of that..
are you listening to any songs atm for inspiration or what not - im listening to forever young
curious más curioso y más curioso
Yeah gurl, whatchu think I'm is? I does this.
Vision me
https://1drv.ms/u/s!ApgO-KlyNUGyirssOS-_HFjYpPgtLQ
Dont be a jive turkey, slide 30 bars in my vybe durrty
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You see it cuz
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