A Disciple's Thread

[Lenox]

I know… @Lenox it’s all good…

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I heard back in the day they used to torture people until they didn’t give a fuck either

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He was one of 3 since the 3 bangs and I was being abused with twisted shit so bad I went back to when it all began. He good now not perfect but I’m glad I didn’t kill him for humiliating me. But I agree it’s time to part like that too

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I don’t fuck with younger dudes and dating just not worth it. I’m way better on my own or as a stupid delirious bitch that can make and handle her own money.

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I don’t want fame… would like to make money again… and want to know who did this to me and why?

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I get it

Suit urself baby

[A Disciple]

I didn’t turn it off first… idgaf I’m tired of people manipulating and lying on me

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Why though? wtf I did?

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I usually can do it easy if I’m myself in my own environment… hit me again like this for what? Cause you can?

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My heart just broke again… with everyone pretending and shit it take a while to see. If you don’t act like that you don’t think like that

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wtf I’m surrounded for to begin with?

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FUCK YOU

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I heard him laughing in the background of the recording and assumed he was part of it - still not sure and still don’t care.

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When can I be myself, by myself with my own body and thoughts again?

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I want and need MY God back… how you just change it for me?

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Fuck swaying now I sit here nodding yes or no to myself too…

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Response live

Cassie was the model
Fox saved my life and can hold mine I trust him
Damn I’m tired of the fear and dhe if you don’t listen
But maybe my dreams are on a mission
Truth is…
No friends why
Celebrity son
Awake
I know that’s why I flinched
Bitches be show boating
Gag me with a spoon I get it
I want my family back
And nah still don’t regret it
Not the only prisoner they have
Ok ok I have some hopes again
But why you let them be mean to me
“Any bitch you wan”
Can we save lives?
I just feel better as myself
That’s mad fucked up to do to me

That’s how I write, how I relate, and then fill it in

[A Disciple]

I can’t trust my own word - ani bish you wan




God don’t put me thru it no more
It’s the steady how I unlock the door?
Fuck love I’m just better at war
But my gma upset and I’m not muffy no more
Cassie was the model
Fox saved my life
Technically the wife (on a hold really) - I feel Ti though
It feels good when you bust them
Ill just be nuts then
Only when I can’t trust him
Damn I’m tired of the fear
Tired of fighting every other bitch that wish she was here
They don’t have my stripes on that tip toe thru my kitchen
And I was feeling like no one would listen
Stop the bitching… who hate me and why when I’m wishing
I was on a different mission
God he’s not here yet that’s why…
I’m can’t let go
Cause i can be a stupid bitch too as you know
I’m just here to show you all no fear and what it ls like when you die
But then he might’ve
And that make my mom cry
Despite of
Truth is…
No friends? why?
I used to stay quiet when they asked me to lie
You were PISSED
Celebrity son
Celebrity won
Awake but STILL can’t be anywhere near a gun
1 second is all it takes like whoa
This shit not fun cause I lost trust in my toe to toe
And here we go again we go
Awake…
I know that’s why I flinched
Bitches be show boating
I get like a 1-2 second glitch
Hell no homie… you wanna be like me
Like they sacrificing my body just cause they demand to see
Did they put something in my eye?
Gag me with a spoon I get it
I want my family back… the 3 reasons why
And nah still don’t regret it
Just can’t blend a look classic to tack
Do you hate me?
Cause I just want you to know no one had my back
Ok ok I have some hopes again
But all the reasons not mine they bad
And the truths weren’t all mine within
But why you let them be mean to me and why they rather see me sad
Then happy
Strength was never much I had
“Any bitch you wan”
Was a joke… but now I’m the one bad?
We in a hurry… I need someone to teach me how now
Before we counting stacks that they buried (eyes roll like wow)
Hoping we already hear…
I don’t want to lose another year
My body and beast don’t have the same tastes again
He won’t back off me and swear I’m from sin
Just be real and see all the time this shit be wasting
I don’t want to be stupid but is it love or wrong when I’m pacing?
Can we save lives?
I just feel better as myself
That’s mad fucked up to do to me
But don’t be fronting like it’s wealth
It’s earnest and I put that on my health
Them not stopping is changing me
Just want to be myself…
And sorry… but I’m not living to judge when he finally free
That shit MAD tacky!

[A Disciple]

If it was right it’d be easy…

[A Disciple]

I know it’s a female and I know it comes from your camp… make her stop

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Nah it’s usually retro that freak me out now



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I did think them cabs were Ds though

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Yeah we was on 125th and I had to listen to the guy giving a sermon about the blue eyed devil for like an hour so when we left I hung out the window and screamed kkk white power… my old bf was mad but we laughed

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The torture cell in NC… nah I’m not playing either

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But I want to sleep in peace tonight despite today… just want to be happy and productive

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My priorities fucked up… my whole head is fucked up

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That was a very nice apartment… who paid him to? Cause that fish tank behind the bed was their hiding spot cause your brother so stupid to lie and involve me… I’m just wondering how I’m the one that got fucked up

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Yeah snitches can die usually in the world when I was in it

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I caught him

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I guess I just tell everybody then… I can’t help it - he’s dead backwards

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Which nightmare you want me to explain next… I need somebody helping me not fucking with my head. Fighting to be myself around my family even too

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If I wanted to hallucinate I would take hallucinogenics cause that one over there doesn’t understand I don’t want to be or live in his world because it makes me weak and sick

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K? Spiritually feel like he forcing himself on me and refuse to let go and it’s gross to be honest

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Too much… I can’t get thru school because of this tapping drama… I need to finish school and tired already - get who ever the fuck it is out my body

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NO MOTHERFUCKER

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Nite…

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I don’t know if I can or I have to… I’ll see what their law says

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Cause I’m not going to jail either

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The oh oh oh before he came to my window… yeah he knew

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Just tired of being set up for no reason at all

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NIGHTMARES BEYOND COMPREHENSION - leave me alone

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The you’d do it too… when spoon tugged my leg I got a split second of them in leather and whips around my bed - that’s the one I said go ahead and post it and say you would do it too. I despise racism!

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That didn’t click until it’s still fazy of dream or fact

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Not my god on my body and it feels icky

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We don’t have the same tastes

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Same people same roof

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I’m not your bitch… please leave me alone

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Because I’m not going to get my ass kicked because they don’t have enough morals to live in my world

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I refuse to carry or have anything to do with my old friends

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Can’t keep my word? It’s that serious… they make me that sick

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I refuse to have anything to do with them or anyone affiliated with them… they in their own shit and I didn’t do shit…

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The car wash clocked too

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LoL stupid bitches…

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Clicked*

It’s not my religion to share my body with spirits or whatever they are that think they can click and type for me too - disrespectful as fuck

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BYE!!! THATS my wish… DO NOT RETURN

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My god gives me peace and comfort and this is not it

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Ok… the incinerator made me chuckle… so you and my dad picked me up in hell type ish… but while waiting you in chains and the furnace door opens and the chains drag you in… I was READY to go so I think I got skipped cause he want to know why

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I felt them tighten then loosen and the door closed. Worried about what that mean too though

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Trying to save lives not take them - some I wanna take

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That was way before he died so I am worried

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People I cut off refuse to believe they are cut off for being so disrespectful to me and my body like I’m some lab rat and not even tell me to my face

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But as an Italian I refuse to kill family - how would you feel?

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My dad come from a family that is abusive as fuck and they scare me

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I do love my aunt Terri though

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If you can’t say it to my face don’t sleep me instead.. why are you doing this to my mom too though

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Just putting us thru this

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How’s that personal when everyone know but me? FOH

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Tell the truth I never did shit with them bitches and I’m not oncolvong myself now either

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Involving*

[A Disciple]

https://youtube.com/shorts/G9z_MgVAb..._J7B-_4_BE8BXY

“We both out of town dog… what you trying to get into” )

[A Disciple]

Maybe it’s time to stop smoking weed… could’ve sworn my stomach just growled uh oh

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That’s what I hate though… I don’t like to hallucinate never did one either

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Damn.. that Mobb deep though!



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3:32pm and… ouch for real… but I’m not going to the dope head either. Get him off me!

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Ma’an guess he was wrong and she didn’t move

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But if they both involved?

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If I can’t trust him… I can’t love him… and like that’s what hurts

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Got the wine in the car… brb

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That grin though…

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If I’m writing it I’m not doing it… but I don’t know what to do now.

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We went thru this before and me too and I’m TAF and think it’s so stupid too

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This year I get strong… next year I be happy

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I’ll probably forget by tomorrow though

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What did my old friends pass the torch?

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Why you wanna make him sneaky and scandalous though? He wasn’t like that…

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His soul trick… you can have him… I’m not opening my legs for another year… we still cool though baby

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“How’s the head? How’s the head?” Just keep ringing thru my ear

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I have to go to bed before I get *** again

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It’s ok… it took my old besty fat boy 8 years before he showed his true colors

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Deep down I just always felt my man wouldn’t finally… you know?

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And the one that could… go to fucking hell male bitch

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It was him terrorizing me all these years right? I figured that out too…

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And he still refuse to leave… don’t make me curse you out publicly for real

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Kevin! That’s the one I hate and you all need to leave me alone

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What do I get a note book and make a list of things I need to remember each morning… or can people just STOP

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You all need to make him leave me alone*

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I’m not 2 faced at all so nah I don’t get it

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Nah he not that far gone yet… he did tell me he don’t care what someone look like it’s their swagger and personality and stuff

[A Disciple]

I was pissed! I put my phone in the bushes and went to the mall to buy a free weight… drove to his house and the kids were cheering on the corner… anyways then I get to his door and his dad was cursing him out and then I felt bad - when he came out anyway to look me in the eye - that’s when I calmed down (

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THATS when I realized I was crazy and started to work on my temper

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Don’t push me though…

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I was way young before the mental illness took over but when people fuck with my head on purpose knowing I’m sick… that make me real mad too

[A Disciple]

Nah it get me stuck sometimes actually…

And that… I knew she/they robbed him (at least it’s what I heard) but nah I didn’t tell him… I was still mad at the situation and all. Like serve him right…

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Oh and the night we was oh so cheating - negative - we actually just hung in the car and shared a bottle

[A Disciple]

Oh and the night we was oh so cheating - negative - we actually just hung in the car and shared a bottle

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Don’t fuck with my head

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What part of I don’t like you K do you not understand… not ever. For a billion dollars!!! Someone make them all leave me alone

Not even for a billion dollars*

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Get the spirit infection out of me

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I’m not fighting their battles or curses and to be honest it’s not the world I want to live in…. Now I have to fight for my body too?

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ILLEGAL… why my phone was flashing red though? How my dad knew my phone be back? Or how you not like someone you never met? FOH. I have enough problems dealing with God… I don’t need the artificial environment either

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Copy THAT and get the fucking bitches off me

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Tell Kevin and them keep away from me or die for real

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No… tell Kevin to stay away from me or die*

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They confused me at IBM too and when they lied about the suicide note… I couldn’t figure out how to use the phone type retarded unless they gave me a toy one

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They have no rite to type or live thru me though… Kevin is twisted and need to leave
E alone - I need help I think…. I can’t stand him or his world

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Who did that?

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They editing nah I didn’t type E but can’t remember what I typed either

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Publicly too… what did I do?

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I want my world back and this world to never come anywhere near me again

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Almost passed out twice at school… who hitting my family again and why?

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The black marker on top of the bag… STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BF TOO!!!! Get them away from me please and if he switched up on me I need to know cause he can go to hell too

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Nah… he paid for his own food but it was my favorite part… guys… the least you can do is get him and them off me!



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Stuck on stupid and was posing and shit… refuse to live having to fight for my body too… not my nature and never will be so BYE no matter who you think you are

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He wasn’t gone long enough to play me… ok

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We weren’t together and I told him to invite her and went out… they set us up with all that too

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C if you out there anywhere? HELP… what you need and not want enough

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More like what I don’t need vs do

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What I need vs don’t

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My old friends are hitting me with them and have shit spinning around and around so no one shoot

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At least if they do it don’t hit them

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Nah do was right

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Nothing to do with I swear… and that’d be mad fucked up too

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That maybe but they could’ve lied

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Vs what they pulled it for… and I’m not trying to disrespect but I want to and deserve to know what’s going on too… anyone even affiliate with that side gonna leave me alone

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Fighting for myself trying to figure out who I am now and they making that even harder on purpose

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I do always have your back but you the only one and only if you no where near them!!!! Hope you got mine too

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Maybe cause I’m not guilty!!!! Why they keep throwing???

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I still don’t know how too… but after smoking by the water I really trusted you but I get it

[A Disciple]

Balling right now.., everybody get mad cause I stand like I man… but he don’t understand NO ON E WAS PROTECTING
W… he just told him he want a woman not a due

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He said he wants to be with a woman and not some dude

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He think I’m crazy cause I say it’s cause I was on my own cause of him and NO ONE was protecting me

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R used to get mad at the same thing

[A Disciple]

Dude wish I’d hold it a year for him… what he think he gonna come save me… all this just so he could… I’ll ice pic the shit out of you leave me alone

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Smoking werf in my mamas house at 4:30qm and when I tell her why she probably gonna put me in mental…

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Get every last one of them away from me and don’t ever let them come back

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After they sleep then that one call… WHO NEXT FOR REAL?

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After they sleep me*

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Was supposed to do my homework but obviously can’t stop pacing right now… like when I had to stop school. WHO can stop me from supporting myself and why would they?

[A Disciple]

I hate you!

I’m not against you I’m still in your corner
You found out who the whore was - and I’m just here to warn her
In a couple of days this will all just be a blur
While I’m trying to rewrite day dreams from wishing what we were
When I woke up this morning I didn’t know if we were fighting or not
I had to think hard to remember and wrote down all the reasons in case I forgot
Any day over this… I have a thousand more reasons why you all respect the thot
And yeah when it come to love I fuck up a lot
He right, and if I had my wish we’d all be cool too
But nah, better is as bitter done and I’m no longer the tool
Stupid does as stupid do
Who have the handicap - me or you?
I did it so you never come back
He lost trust in me and he right - the way I handled it all and trusted you was wack
Stuck on stupid retarded?
TWICE
At least he never did that
Nah I’ll never date again, fuck love, to me it was too overrated
I’m ok… I remember what we went to war for…
But my life? No one ever had a rite to debate it
Big/Pac I never made it…
So I’m a walk this earth and tell you
What right vs wrong do… I know I know cause I was hypnotized too
The weak part of me is hoping it’s still you
After all that I been thru…
I don’t deserve that cause I didn’t have a clue
And I still need to learn how to love me more - more than I love you
Today I could’ve bought the Michael Core
- [ ] But I prefer the $39 sneakers more
I’ve cried every other day since October
And I ain’t fucking with my brother either cause hes the cobra
I’m going sober
I don’t know how to anymore
I’m so confused now i refuse to walk out that door
I don’t want do this shit no more
3 people since I wrote you
But you prefer to respect the whore
And that’s why a good girl go bad
Doing what she won’t do
And you’re caught in the game - not her
Once you try to stop winning or submit her down you will remember what we were
Good girl again…whore never more
Cause even though you think you got me
I have 5 reasons why you don’t anymore

[A Disciple]

I used to stay busy cause when I wasn’t, even if I could t sleep one night and had to think I would get sick… wish I ran thru it sooner and didn’t listen to the drs who said don’t watch tv or listen to music if it bothers you

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That’s what brain washing do… and why even hypnotism now is illegal too

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I have no clue why my family still trust a better than bitch like you

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I trust my old sponsor… I’m not sure who he is but I want him back… NOTHING!!!!!!!!

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I feel NOTHING again… even though I may be a coward for that… it just hurt too much and I’m not trying anymore

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Like when you took my free will and played with me like your toy in front of my niece and friend… they told you it’s illegal to work on family members… do you think this is why? What did I do that you think I’m so low that you can experiment on me?

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Take the shit… idc and I refuse to deal with it anymore

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Humiliating… it was fucking humiliating

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I’m used to that though now

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My father is dead now, took it to the grave for you and I owe you nothing

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I was fighting MY demons? Yeah right

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I wrote plenty… I just need to get paid so I can pay back my mom and make my OWN trust for the day you freaks can’t bring me back and I have no one but myself

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C… if you out there I know your pull… I’m not going to sit there and eat checkers either… that’s my pull

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It takes them longer and longer to bring me back each time and I’m scared

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I have a feeling you knew what I was talking about when I was screaming shelf and I know that you finally out now too. I’m proud of you!

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When they first did it, I remember my dad being really upset cause my iq went down to 96… it went to 120 so they just did it again…. WHY?!??!

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I remember taking the iq test at work… who the fuck are you people for real?

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Yeah… I got a good imagination… sure

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We should see what you have in your house? I heard it… what you think we monsters that work for you like weapons or something? Cause I’m confused

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I’m NOT fine… why all the drs said I’ll be fine… IM NOT!!!!! I don’t know how to get better but deep down I know I never will…. I read the first 2 pages of my file and threw up.. where the fuck did they get someone killed thenselves in front of me - it’s all fake

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Even the therapist that helped who ever hurt me get away filled in the bubbles for me

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Mental need FEMA for real

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I assume you all get paid and that’s why you do it - but yo… I don’t have a fucking clue why or what I did

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Like my gma said… my friends did it and gave the drugs I FUCKING WAS SOBER AND YOU KNOW IT

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Yeah dbt9 is SOOO recreational

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How about the xanex cobcoction…

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Can you please explain why you keep trying to set me up with doorman peddlers too?!?!?

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Dopeman*

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The hospital report said marks all over my body like I would ever… with a clean tox but it should’ve said bruises for when the beat me up and I didn’t even know it either

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What lies did you tell my family to make them think I deserved it?

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Did you guys notice how the one time I didn’t report it, they let me go home instead of putting me in mental?

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I forgave him for a reason you will NEVER comprehend… you don’t have the heart or the insight. Keep your own fucking “house” you delirious BITCH

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You act like anyone even as sick as you to even want it

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Oh wait… dr fox too who left the country when he got caught… BYE!!!!

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Yes he was my psych when I was 13

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You all better be regulated by the government SOON!!!!

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For real though…

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So if mental people snap… why are you purposely fucking with me and my head so I do?

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I learned composure… and nah I’m not living my life for any of you all drs and shit

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You all the sick ones for real…

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Probably why you all got in the field to begin… I know how hard your child hood was… my dad USED to tell me everything

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They were probably YOUR issues to begin with

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I was like 17 maybe the first time I felt like trash…

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I’m not the trash… people who treat people like you are. And you better stay away from my friend too.. he don’t deserve it either

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Everybody fucking tainted now it feel like

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Yo I’m hardly perfect but I know I’m only human… I know I did a good job my best job when I meet god in the end… that’s why I’m not scared

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Don’t worry I prefer everything to be tracked and recorded and on tape now… just so I know I’m safe

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“Is it better to be caught clean or sober” … ma’an I didn’t even notice or get slow mo…

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“So you can react quick… blow you off the atlas?

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I had angels to get me thru… but they make me feel like they hate me too

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Lifted or sober*

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You trying to taint him too

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I know and I know… and I’m sure they’ve done worse then that… I’m good

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I’m not trying or dating ever again and I sure as HELL wouldn’t wait a year for anybody again. Especially the assume who caused this and think I’m a go to him too

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I’m probably best solo anyway…

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Don’t touch me… nobody had permission to pretend to be my god and then torture and abuse me…

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I’m not with that shit either

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I want my NORMAL life back… not living sick stupid and in delusion

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I did it on purpose so you won’t come back either… there’s not a reason in the world that I would ever do that to you… when you knew I needed you too. It’s all good…

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They’re not going to stop until someone makes them or I make the decision they want… NAH I CANT DO THAT

[A Disciple]

Talking about loyalty and such and like… idk bitches I don’t want him back like that either. I know that no one but him was there for me when I was sad and needed them… so that’s where I got played again… cause he did. And the peace and comfort and being able to feel too… i can’t believe he did me like that…