I feel stupid… ain’t nobody real… just sitting here praying for a real friend for once cause my man just straight up dissed and disrespected me for another woman. I was stupid I fell for it again.. the grimy shit going down in my house again… everytime I get weed it go missing… my boy asked my for a blunt so I asked him for a bud and he say no… so now I’m back to no one
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Exploiting my life for what? This shit supposed to be fun or something?
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God can’t even make this shit ok… my life was donated and sacrificed to who for what?
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I dead up couldn’t go to school today cause I couldn’t stop crying and he left me to go see who ever he wouldn’t answer my call for last night and like word I just said it like one day you gonna treat me like you do your gf right… like ced did me too
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Fuck him I can’t forgive him even if I wanted to cause that’s BETRAYAL
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He won’t even pump my gas no more… why it took 15 months for real to come thru though… fuck you and that bitch
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Trying my hardest to stay out of mental cause it only gets worse in there
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I don’t know what to do but I can’t stand the feeling of being in my own skin again
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I wish I could just go see my sister but I think she hate me now too cause I wasn’t even invited to my nephews wedding and like
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All this tapping and twitching fuck what you heard I won’t submit or forgive and give in… im prepared to spend the rest of my life in jail if I have to to prove that
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Or to make it stop
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In fact I’m back to the days where it might be the best option
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Why and for what and for who?
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I bet you sent a pretty bitch his way huh
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You gonna start sleeping and hitting me again too?
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Cause my computer already been tripping again all day
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Who think I’m happy… who think I want to be all alone living with my mama
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No family of my own
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Some desperate man that tortured a bitch down gonna slide on in and think I’m a jump and be miserable just to get out… mother fucker I will slice your fucking dick off
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In front of the judge
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I feel like god and my dad tricked me… he wasn’t real
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And I can’t forgive him even if I wanted to not that I want to…
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It really felt real though… it really did but EVERYBODY switch up on me
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I gave my ring to my mom… I think she more mad then me
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I’m worried about him but I can’t be cause tonight he proved he not worried and don’t give a fuck about me though for real
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Left me crying for the bitch
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That’s a never coming back from
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And it hurts that he pushed that
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I wish he never tested me
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It feels like a slice thru my soul every time I try to breath
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What did I do wrong… I wasn’t the one sleeping with lying or betraying anybody
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Bet he sleep fine right now though
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Went to 3 bars before I found one that would serve me… fuck you and your network too
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You have me caged and pinned like some animal for your sick entertainment
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I don’t take orders…
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Nobody bosses or bullies me around
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And I don’t even fear God no more
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I have to sit here and stare at these dumb ass hearts on my bed
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It’s starting all over again…
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Who gave you my body cause I know I didn’t
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And he don’t think I started getting off the hook when his new bitch came in though? Fuck that… I don’t need or want a man and like I decided before they shot me or what ever happened that I lost 5 weeks off their joke… fuck love I’ll take the money any day over it
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It’s not worth the pain
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I didn’t sleep with any of them… I slept with 3 people in 8 years but yet them lies flying though
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And I never cheated on him either… I don’t wish I did I just wish I never fell again
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My dumb ass sucker for love DONE though
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I don’t even know if I trust pac anymore… if that’s why I’m a switch up bitch
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Snake rat gun… those were my tongues but even DMX dead now… anyone else no what that mean or why I scream or cry silent like that? Nah didn’t think so either… oh wait… nah everyone knows but me
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And that’s the joke though until I fall into line or something?
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Fuck you I’ll spit in your face too
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And won’t “Stu stu stutter”
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I did idol 50 he was my fave I trusted the situation with my man under the umbrella of it all and now I’m just like… stupid bitch
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You know someone was trying to drill me last night too?
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I’m dropped to hell enough on my own… face your own charge
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Find a new skeleton trash can
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And here I go losing it again
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Jay z part make perfect sense to me but I’m not that thirsty and how many times I got to see it
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I’d hate to be famous… I actually prefer to blend in crowds
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But yo I would like to support myself PLEASE
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Just please leave me alone and let me get back on my feet cause you all won’t stop hitting me
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Nah right now I don’t even want to write no more
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I was just thinking the other day how much I hate staying up all night not being able to sleep…
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Just got student of the month and it go down like it happened last time I got it too
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And yo I just don’t believe in having to fight so hard to get thru an average and modest life
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I’ll probably take a week off of both work and school to recover
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Idk
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Idc if it take me 6 years to graduate im a graduate
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Baby steps… people think I’m faking though
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Confused as fuck… slurring my words… can’t stop crying… can’t hold a conversation and every time I try to speak I have to feel like I’m screaming so they can hear me… I guess I even talk silent now too
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I finally go for an mri next week cause my memory fucked but can’t get an appt for Neuro psych testing until next April… I’ve been sick how long? Why is this the first time I hearing about this after I’m already pretty much retarted from it all?
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All the behind my back shit too… im not even like that so why?
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My first MRI
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All them files and judges and lawyers and drs and hospitals and nobody notice that? But you noticed my positive tox screen for coke though even though I haven’t been dirty since 2017
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I learned a drug is a drug is a drug… so why is it ok for you to give me pills that make me feel drugged up but not ok for me to take drugs that mKe me feel sober?
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It’s all good and petty compared to what’s really going on though
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My father drank so you didn’t even put him on a heart machine… how do you get so above other people and life on this earth? Shit I was being honest with my drs that’s how they knew because I was under the impression they were here to help
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I should’ve lied like everyone else?
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