The Chair

[The Gwapfather]

real nice piece here homie, like how the whole time you almost kept a double meaning, from what I got from it, from how he was "walking through the doors", "hands on the paynes", and the woman's last touch/guards puttin on the leather belts line, just always kept things interesting, cuz a topic like this could get boring fast with out it being delivered well, which you did, interesting ending, would have liked to see more leading up to that ending though, maybe background into the story of why he was about to see the death penalty, or something to bring that ending in more, a lil bit of a shocker at the end but could have been done to a deeper extent I believe, but all in all a real nice peace fam..


if you get time, rtf here for me bruh:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...855/index.html

[F63]

Good piece man. Really liked lines 7 and 8, the word "audibly" just caught my attention and seemed to flow well.

[A.T.]

...

[Achroite]

Actually loved this. Such a deep piece, beautiful imagery.
Flows great, went so smoothly, nothing felt awkward.
The lines were great, and made me want to keep reading.

"Attempting to walk, but he can't keep his knees from shaking,
He stumbles and hits the floor of this corridor he's walking,"
Really paints a picture in my head.

"He begins to focus on his wife, as she puts her hands on the paynes,
He's wishing that he felt the hands of the only women he's held,"
Really evokes your emotions, nice rhyming.

"During spasm fits, he clenches his fist and envisions his kids,
Then it all goes away... for a crime that he didn't commit..."
Boom. Great close to the verse. Big impact.


Everything just brings out my emotions, this is a story told so well.
Love this man, I'd love more like this!

[trajik]

AT, this is the first topical I've read from you. I'm pleasantly surprised as I thought you were only a text battler. This was very well done, a great concept well executed. The imagery was solid and had me picturing the verse as though it was a movie. Rhyme scheme was decent, you had a bunch of multis and internals though I'd enjoy to see more littered throughout the piece. It flowed pretty well, thanks to your great word choices. Strong emotion, forcing the reader to feel empathy for the character. Very well written piece.

Please return feed, I'd appreciate it:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...118/index.html

[Bloodyhands]

lyrical genius! seriously.. great read, man. actually, exactly what i needed to start my day off. so much here, let me start by saying the structure was amazing. which is fantastic, because nothing sucks more than reading a piece that is all over the place. now, about the imagery, you murdered it. the whole time reading, i swear to god i felt like this dude. not only that, but the emotion in this piece was incredible. i was touched.. emotionally. it flowed well too. great choice of words. overall, i don't think this concept could've been executed any better than this, especially due to that little twist at the end. that's perfection. once again, great read, man. i can't wait to read more from you!

[Rabid]

oh my god...i want to shake ur fucking hand... a well rhymed topic with sick multies...on key the whole way. the fucking 9 yards of rap man...stay sick

im gonna burn the fuck down for that shit man

[Art.]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...var=&p=8260616

hit that homie.


this shit is pretty wild never knew you did OMs....but this is a really cool story, i think you word choice for this was pretty acurate along with your rhyme scheme being on point, i felt as if you placed your rhymes and certain words in the best way for this verse. the content is was really drew me in. from the opening sentence i was kinda wondering what was going to happen. flow was more on than off in this but imo it didnt reall affect the piece. good write man keep it up!