Read as, First Attempts at Poetry

[Standard Issue]

I wanted mother's eyes to shine brighter than any
saw-toothed coastline, than any Sunday morning
Hallelujah, or a sunflower bulged to blossom. Wanted
her hip's rhythm swing in every syllable, stomping
thunderclaps into wood-slatted boards. Her feet followed
down the dirt painted path, all the way home. Pieces
from the hallway picture splintered in knuckles, calloused
and craggy as his pursed lips railing against the wind
in his voice’s hoarse box. Wanted shard-teeth gnashed
with a bitten tongue and silence. I wanted her soft
voice and his Mack-truck rumble caught in
my poetry’s slow, blue ring.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ou-366735.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ve-366709.html

[Standard Issue]

Above the swagger-jackers.

[HighEngineChief]

You have such an amazing way with words, the first metaphore(saw-toothed coastline) was dope as hell and sucked me into the piece. Every description and reference was filled with emotion and experience. For such a short poem you packed a very powerful punch wich says alot about you as a writer. Picture splintered in knuckles, everything, fucking dope imagery, I really want you to write a longer more topical oriented piece, I want to see more man, great shit and keep writing dude you have a natural talent.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-366851.html
RTF^^