Wk03 - Ntalek vs. Heychoo

[fastforwords]

Sacred Scriptures Week 03

18. Ntalek vs. 19. Heychoo

Verses due: Monday, March 26th 2007.
Voting ends: Friday, March 30th 2007.

Please vote on 3 battles.

Goodluck

[Heychoo]

yeah.

[Ntalek]

check.....g/l

[Ntalek]

Blood, Sweat, and Tears..



The blood runs down the floor..as he sweats
From the liquor he poured…and drowned in his own sorrow.
Leaving only this letter to be read when they found him tomorrow…
unjust thoughts brought to the papers edge
as if these words were his voices vision
he proceeded to jot away consistant
and this is what the beginning read...
.
.
Hate Love Power War....these things are confusing
I find myself amused by all those that misuse them
Anger. alot inside...why..a question I've yet to answer
Danger..from what I write..cause these questions never get answered
My past works go unnoticed by the ones who seem closest
Yet I try to redeem focus and I still seem hopeless
Writer’s blocked by writers block delightful not
Slightly shocked by what politely dropped after shots
My work is my life and if I don’t write I’ll die
But why write if it goes unheard by ears or unseen by eyes
Passionate as it gets to me it may be becoming history
Lost in vision like a blind man physically
I don’t write for me I write to the likes of he or she
Who’s unable to express themselves orally
As I bleed my thoughts to this off white sheet
Through the ink pen’s bottom.
Everyone who’s got them notices my emotions. rotten
For years I have shed tears for this life I've lived
And perspired while trying to becoming a writer
Regardless my past works have been disregarded
And I’ve become distraught at the thought
To the point of discarding my entire writing compartment
Why aspire dreams when life is pure reality
And the death of my dreams has caused my own casualty
Now that my Blood, sweat, and tears, have been ignored
Before I begin the process I’ll pray to the lord.



he prays...then sprays...shooting himself fore what he loved has died..

R.I.P.
Writing

[Heychoo]

Well I been thinking bout the future
But I'm too young to pretend
It's such a waste to always look behind you
Should be lookin' straight ahead
Move On by JET


Left foot.. right foot.. one after the other
they're all i got to lean on.. if you don't count my brother..
mother drinks too much.. problems fail to cease
i'm just stranded in reality.. not knowing who to please
So consider my life a march.. searching for a mission..
Such a cliche saying.. yet such befitting for the position..
left.. right.. life's all blended into one big maze..
"when's he going to mature".. "oh, it's just a phase"..
that's been a saying for years.. and it doesn't get old..
but good things come to those who wait.. or so i was told..
i'm not one to be big on life.. or have a lot of special meanings..
just a simple guy from tennessee.. who puts thoughts into literal screenings..
but from what i've found.. the only way to strive in life..
is to look straight ahead.. and avoid all type's of strife..
no time to dwell on stuff.. that coulda' gone either way..
just stick to your knowledge.. and remember to pray..

[fastforwords]

Up over closed.

[Johnny 6-feet]

Ntalek- Found your piece a little hard to get into to be honest. The topic of a suicidal writer connected with the title but didn't really get too creative with it. The vocab was strong but occasionally a little too stiff for the flow of the piece. The multi's and imagery were both solid. I just feel you could've done more with this from a creative point of view.


Heychoo- I didn't really like this man. The direction you took your topic in wasn't really anything special. It just came off as a slightly introspective boast piece. The rhyme scheme could've been better as well. The vocab was ok, and there was the odd bit of imagery. But nothing really engaged me in the piece as a whole.

Vote- Ntalek, more creativity, better imagery.

[Nique.]

Ntalek- I kind of agree with Johnny. Your attempt at emotion throughout your verse was a bit iffy as some parts stifled your writer's voice to touch me as a reader. The imagery was pretty cool. Interesting concept, but I felt that you could've went a lot deeper than this with it. Ended kind of abruptly. He was suicidal confessing to the Lord? Weird usually because from a religious perspective suicide is usually denounced completely. Anyway, cool piece.

Heychoo- Honestly, you could've won this if you would've wrote more because your piece was a bit more polished as far as mechanics go and your emotion was definitely there. I felt that since you were writing from a personal viewpoint, you could've easily wrote more lines, but you didn't, and I don't know why.

v/Ntalek

Weird battle.

[Heychoo]

lack of time/procrastination.. like i said, it will be better next week. thanks for the votes.

[Ntalek]

He was suicidal confessing to the Lord? Weird usually because from a religious perspective suicide is usually denounced completely. Anyway, cool piece.

that doesn't mean that he cant pray before he kills himself and ask for forgiveness...but meh...

[Tim]

Ntalek wins
Heychoo loses