Wordplay Worries & Metaphorical Maladies

[Laureate]

Wordplay Worries & Metaphorical Maladies


The duel of the cruel, bad and worse trading bombs
Amazed the dried pen can still write from wrong
Gone from good this barrage bruises the cold shoulder
Cuz this flurry from hell will make it freeze over
S’now way I can hide, my demons have arrived
Subtracting the lives that used to multiply and divide
My demise Capitalized, I’ve tried to make amends
Fuck being stabbed, I was nuked in the back by friends
It’s a fact I’m off track, train of thought derailed
Pointing up first, then to where Christ was nailed
Life showed me the ropes, fuckin noose and all
Knocked back for the count…..down til my fall
Ear pressed to the ground, listening for hints
For the time to draw the line, with a razor on my wrists
No need for this, shit I know heaven sent
This chip on my shoulder, cuz the axe missed my neck
A mission towards revision, keeping prophets guessing
Squinting and wishing, I wasn’t blindsided by vision
Problems are funneled, joy’s become unbundled
The light is blocked, by the collapse of the tunnel
Turn away God, asking forgiveness with slits
But now I’m free…….falling to the fiery pits
Hell’s fantasy tragically, has to be a tragedy
These are my wordplay worries, and metaphorical maladies

[Philly®]

Fuck being stabbed, I was nuked in the back by friends

^^ i like that metaphorical expression


i liked this peice alot man.. to me it was very creative cuz i never seens a peice approached this way.. maybe it's cuz i don't really post in this forum but still it was very laid out and i liked the metaphores.. you had good multies that helped this flow great.. i never read and poems from you so i can't say how this compares to the rest of your peices but it was overall VERY good... keep doing what you do man


rtn the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=314233

[D. Josey]

This was a nice piece man. Generally, I'm used to very discrete and simple pieces from you, but this one was with a whole new style. I like your approach on pieces, just a mellow and relaxed style. Not forcing anything, or something like that. This piece was rapid fire, it hit you with ideas like boom - boom and boom. It was dope, something new. More OM fit, but nevertheless great multis and some good flow. Yes, I said it. Flow man, dope flow. You should keep experimenting with more styles like this so you can become very versatile as a writer man. Have at it and notify me at the finished product!

[Spoken]

Life showed me the ropes, fuckin noose and all

^ how i love that line, so real and true right now, it just kinda jumped out

talking about your change in style, i figured its just cause i havent been on for a loooong time that it was a gradual thing, but i guess not. You have developed so much since you first started, jees i still remember when you couldnt even spell .

The metaphors are very well established, they fit into everything nicely. Again i have to say what someone above did, the flow of ideas was so fast and straight shot that it kept me on my toes cause my mind was taking all this well developed thought process you have here.

amazing

love
T

[Laureate]

Thanks you guys, I'll hit the links eventually