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Thread: lost and vacant

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    lost and vacant

    it's friday night, a man sits at dinner his heart feels holllow
    deciding how to tell his wife he's been chosen for an apollo
    he hasent touched his food and he finds it hard to swallow
    he brings up the subject spilling it all in a breath of oxygen
    and the message fills the room and fumes like an intoxicant
    exitement and fear are spread fast he becomes lost again
    inside a closterphobic box of seclusion which locks him in
    theres no key or lock it's a simple straight square object
    theres no existing locksmith he's frightend at the prospect
    he'll be on the spaceship soon... against his better logic
    waking up from his daydream he's at the station suited
    this journey is still a seed, yet he seems to be rooted
    until this oppurtunity came along instead of knocking it intruded
    says his goodbyes steps foward on the ship he boards
    with a split concious violently arguing clashing swords
    his heart sings in unwithering courage it strickes chords
    mentally and physiclly he flys away from his wife not towards
    his heart compulses in his chest bursting with hypocricy
    his marriage now more broken than the ships velocity
    seeing the box without keys or locks in wich he was trapped
    to the table he brought alot but all he got were scraps
    because the ovdurbes were taken immeditly and gulped
    life was a canvas the artist chipped him half way thru the sculpt
    he never found the missing peice it was vacant or lost
    he was x'd out of the world... literally double crossed
    he has no passion it's fales and not at all exquisette
    now he's blind to half his being he owes himself a vist
    but when tried to knock the knocker broke into peices
    the peices seem to dissapear every time he reaches
    thats when he realizes hes gone thru the floor rolling
    he looks down at his hand, to see what he's holding
    the missing chip off his life... staring at him scolding
    tries to add it to himself but it doesnt fit the molding
    he snaps out of his dream just to find lights flashing
    ships crashing seeing the box knows it the last thing
    he'll ever see... cause the ships always been vacant
    this is above scientifical fact like an overstatement
    he knew what he was doing amd there is no adjacent
    tried to climb out the window..............................
    but truely theres no window in your minds basement
    so he's stuck playing astrounaut in his fake life.......
    and on his imaginary spaceship
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    hold on one second for links
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    Last edited by mc pyro.; October 14th, 2006 at 10:25 AM
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    uppins some feed on this
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    uppins
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    A very good piece, with a very good flow and a nice twist at the end. I liked the flow of this piece and one or 2 lines were streched but didn't negatively aaffect the flow. The way you described the whole plot then turned it on it's head in the conclusive segment was clever and enjoyable. I reckon the main reason your not getting replies is because everyone is busy with one thing or the toher and yeah this piece was very good. Can't say much more than that, except keep doing what your doing and keep your flow with added imagery. Stay up^.

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    thx yo uppin some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Man i'm nomming this for rookie of the month i really liked it.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    !!!!awsome!!!! thx yo i dont really come on much so how do i know if i won srry if thats a stupid question
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  11. #11
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    "he knew what he was doing amd there is no adjacent
    tried to climb out the window..............................
    but truely theres no window in your minds basement"

    that line was fucking fire, pyro.

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    thx yo uppin some more feed
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  13. #13
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mc pyro.
    !!!!awsome!!!! thx yo i dont really come on much so how do i know if i won srry if thats a stupid question

    At the end of the month if you've got in Rookie HOF i'll pm you the link.

  14. #14
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    yeah dukes nice flow ..... vocab was top shotter shit........... delivery was coo........... had plenty of wapred moments in between the lines which i thought was coo............. yeah flow was dynamic in many places

    so yeah nice

  15. #15
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    hot flow whole thing just fire
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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