Soft Focus: Shallow

[rule]

The whispers echo beside the ripples in the water
Creating a perfect circle expanding into the somber
After I skip a rock into the sunrise beyond the shore
Alone & safe in this paradise touching my hearts core
Horizon glows beyond the lake beuatifuly as it rises
Picture perfect heaven for pupils, no worries, nor surprises
A remarkable feeling as the water surrounds my skin
Cold sensation from the shallow depths my feet are in
Rocks resembling hearts under the free powerful waves
Pushing seaweed into cracks of my toes pinching my foots concave
Purified essence with descriptions in every angle you look
Every rock, tree, lined color of the sunrise, a chapter of a book
Listening to the water talk to trees is a sensational out-let
Relaxing in the shallow water touches your soul conquest
Echos travel across the lake expanding into my peace
Invading questions giving my reasoning a simple critique
Shallow water at my ankles unleashes love at this every occasion
Emotion I endure the painting of thoughts I design is amazing
The warmth of this relationship of myself and earths art
Wont be neglected, in shallow water I found my heart

[Neruda II]

Wow talk about imagery. This poem seemed mostly to have an imagery topic to it. If it did have some deeper meaning then i guess it would be about clearing the soul, and mind. about clarity within oneself. The poem had great rhyme scheme, it rhymed the whole way through perfectly, nothing was off. Structure was very good almost through out the whole poem, only on like two lines did it go on too far, but hey nothing is perfect. Vocab wasnt as complex as you other pieces but still it was different from everyone elses pieces. The vocab was fresh, which added to the theme of the poem. The feeling was one of almost nirvana, a very clear and sensual kind of feeling. Length was perfect, it wasnt so long that only some ppl would read it, and it wasnt too short that it would take away from the overall picture. i give this one a 9.5 outa ten. very original, and again great imagery.

[lil_roxy]

ooooh how beautiful! you can really paint a picture with your words. i love the way you describe your surroundings perfectly and as if they were meant to be as they were, you except them. if you get me? i liked how you showed that you can express your thoughts with the earth because you and the earth have a tight bound. very nice peice. keep your words drawing! peace
rox

[rule]

thanks..up

[Spoken]

man if there was ever a picture of what you put in words it woudl be so damn beautiul! i can see it in my mind, and how i would like to be there instead of in this snowing cold hell hole. the way you describing things is amazing, even if you were to take the ugliest, most boring thing and describe it im sure it woudl be an awsome pice non the less lol. anywho this piece had almost a magical feel to it really. i lenjoyed the whole concept, and reading this is soothing relaxing almost.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[rule]

thanks upping

[mcBUtiful]

that was ill. you have a lot of talent. keep writing.