Consuming

Consuming
by: mirage

This world seems so perfect to the outsider
How he always stands beside her
And how they always get along
But what they don't see are the tears; the overwhelming fears

That consume her

Every night she crys herself to sleep
Curling her cuts close to her, oh how they're deep
What they don't see is the anguish and pain
And how she see's it as a life or death one way game

That comsumes her

She's battling in herself on the front line
Not lookin' back at the world she left behind
Cryin' and wailin' at the missed chance
Her life is like that one longing for dance

The thought consumes her

Nobody believes her when she says
That everything has gone way over her head
And that she's fallin' off her strength into nothingness
Is a place without pain really bliss?

It threatens to consume her

He walked out and left her heart bleeding
Her aching heart pumping, pumping, beating, beating
She's letting her emotions trickle out like blood
The feeling is something like getting stuck in the mud

Thoughts consume her

She's battling in herself on the front line
Not lookin' back at the world she left behind

Consuming


http://tn3-2.deviantart.com/fs29/300...y_by_gilad.jpg

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...th-366669.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...om-366741.html

Links up. Ready for feed.

This shit was short sweet and dope.Honestly you cant be new,because you have to much understanding of poetry.The Imagery you inserted in this piece was up to par with some of the people who have been dropping in this section for sometime.Emotion wise you pretty much just matched you imagery if you understand what I'm saying.Also I loved the picture you added at the end it fitted right in perfect.You should join IE.You have a chance to be threat.Dope shit stay up and let me see you keep dropping new shit.Cause we always get some good poets then in a couple of days they leave.

I'm here to stay man. Thanks for the feed.

Can I have more feed please.

I mean, I enjoyed this but it's quite apparent to me that your poetry adventures have been limited to only a few months of steady writing. I mean, it's not that it's bad, it's just the lack of poetic devices used, and their was really no interesting twists/metaphors. It all felt like you were lacking with though-provoking descriptions. Perhaps, work more on imagery in your pieces, create exciting images for the reader. Also, add some clever metaphors in the piece, that way it will leave the reader dwelling on the piece, left in awe-shock by it. I enjoyed the blood similie, it was well placed, and fit the piece well. Overall man, this was a very quality read and I enjoyed it.

Thanks for the advice man.