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http://s30.postimg.org/tx0ztlqbl/Sacred.png
Verses Due: Sunday, October 25th
A 24 hour extension will be allowed if you give 24 hours notice and your opponent agrees. No last minute extensions.
Line Limits: 20-60 Lines
@Bonac
@Easy.
Topic:
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9917d8a73...mzyo1_1280.jpg
Good luck.
check check
TetherTown Electric, Building No. 38
Job Interview Manuscript. June 28, 2025
I must ask this question as a formality, Mr. Besla. Any previous employers?
Yeah, I was a burly guy but I was told I'd never learn to fight
Every time I took the test I thought that I could serve that night
I had read the books, no rest, ready to join the soldiers plight
In part my lungs and heart were young, but I had older eyes
And even though my dreams had ceased, they had woke, my soul survived
Militia had a meeting, see, its clear now that I yearned to die
They told us we's going to a planet to get herbs and spice
That we'd only win if they had the economy to urbanize
I don't think I follow, Mr. Besla. You were willing to risk your life for the revolution?
Doesn't seem palpable now how half of the crowd wanted to meet their fate
Death seemed so great, a path in which none of us would deviate
It mayve been due to means of hate, maybe we just wanted a team to play
With. So we let our space commander lead the way
Even the weak could say they screened a page in the history text books
Like they're scripting an evil play where no one could mention the mess, look
Can you not See his face? as he shrieked in chains, he was getting respect took
Straight from his soul, and nothings told except somehow he was less good
You deprived them of their natural habitat, correct?
-Yes.
Did they attempt to retaliate?
See, that's the thing, their passions great, they were told to fight passively
Told to comply happily, and not to question what happens, we
Fucked em over just because they didn't open up their traps and speak
They didn't Have a voice So we threw them where the cattle sleep
We took their ecosystem and deemed it prison just to gain a couple bucks
Our greed was driven by the fact that they were such a humble bunch
We left some to live, but expansion left the cookie to crumble such
That when I think of what I killed I'll have to be hung amongst....
... Them.
Whyd you come here if you didn't even want the job?
---------------
Wait- Mr. Besla, I have one more question.
-------------
Is it a good time to visit "Earth" in the Fall?
@Bonac you have until tonight to post a verse
Okay...so I'm a little confused here...was this interview between two aliens or was it between two humans? If it was the former then I highly doubt they would describe mankind as being passive or humble...like what planet are you from? (LoL)...Now, however, if by chance the latter is correct then my question is, what in a ten year span allowed us the ability to wage war on a foreign world in the year 2025? Like how far away is this planet and how long did it take us to get there (8years?)? And why are we already going to war? I need answers man ...answers!
LOL
Outside of those conundrums this was actually a pretty well written piece. The story of the grunt explaining his expirence to the potential employer seemed natural and authenic.
I could workout a kind of Avater meets the campiness of a Space Trooper type society in my head. That was my visual. That and Halo..minus the insect like enemy.
What you did here was creative, unexpected, and entertaining.
Sure there are areas that need some improvement, but as a whole I enjoyed where this took me.
Good shit dude!
"Nature of the Beast"
Harm what I created? is this how my patience gets measured-
I can be Satan's presence and leave you under maintenance forever-
Face it, This is my world and I'll make sure your placement gets severed-
from my planet, you all will be erased from whats treasured-
granted, I let you stay here but under my terms, now reach inside your hearts demise-
Use your heart & mind to realize I don't need the moon to make the oceans tides start to rise-
And put your whole universe on this extrordinary sharp decline-
Then make you walk the farthest line, of regret Cus you ran out of time to respect-
everything you took for granted now I'll make the tides rise to your necks-
Then sandwiched, as I close the canyons so your stuck between a rock and a hard place-
You'll have no answers, as you all suffocate while being locked in your hearts pace-
Thats the sound of you dying, and to think that all I ever asked of you-
Was to stop with all the gas & fumes, These weren't really drastic moves-
This was shit you could actually do, oh and recycle just a bit of plastic to!-
So now I have to take the hardest stand, after I gave you this place to harvest land-
Revenge wasn't even in my farthest plans, but then you treated me like a garbage can-
So now my fuse is lit you ruined it but you already knew this shit-
And what really bothers me is that you just kept on doing it-
Just to make an easy buck, But Mother Nature is here to cease ya luck-
So from now on, on my earth all your peace is fucked-
Cus you wanted to knock down my trees and drive your diesel trucks!-
So instead of you killing me I'll show you how my pain gets exposed-
With impeccable lightning strikes I'll make all the volcanoes explode!-
I'll make the earth shake from quakes that'll be hatred at your feet-
You won't kill me I'll kill myself now thats the REAL nature of the beast!-
ha after seeing that photo i definitely expected the ideas presented. these were cool verses. I give my vote to easy but let's break it down.
easy - very imaginative and it read like some kind of galactic 1942 voyage lol. i love the dialogue driven narrative. I can't help but suggest that you might as well go full on with the white man-steals-native american land idea. why the extra Star War shit? Regardless this was really fun to read. the twist at the end was pretty unnecessary but i can see it being crucial to the story. Bonac, your story was pretty cool too. God or Mother Nature? meh it doesn't really matter. For a quick last moment write-up i fuck with this verse. The tree-hugging idea isn't new but i like the topical take on it; almost punchline-ish lol.
ha! Mother nature is a fuckin G!Quote:
Use your heart & mind to realize I don't need the moon to make the oceans tides start to rise-
I cast my vote for Easy. I think his verse had a little more thought and creativity to it.
Dope Topic...
My vote...Easy
thinking of the aspects and the conversational structure to this drop made this very interesting. The interview which I thought was more as a commentary rather than for a job, brought out a hidden base for the verses. Each response was that into a mind that held many secrets and I love that fact. I also thought that making the picture more of a representation than a obvious observation was genius. Bonac you had a nice verse but I thought the voices in it was cluttered. I got the repping of Mother nature and the defiance against civilization but I thought that you could have highlighted some tones that would have strengthen her outcry in this. You made her a whinny retrobutive bitch rather than a regal queen.....
Pretty skimdiddily dead decision here if you know what i mean boys. if you know what i mean boys. if you know. boy.
Easy this was really cool because you thought about your verse totally like omg like you knew the whole concept and planned it so totally well. Super cool verse man super duper this was one of the most original topicals ive read in awhile. and written to a cliche picture. superbly fabulous
bonac, first off fuck your name. i hate it so much im tempted to request a name change for you. this was a really cool piece but i feel you lacked overall concept direction before you started writing so it seemed misdirected in parts, not allowing you the maximum. i would bet all my money in the syrian war that you wrote this start to finish, and considering you were late posting i assume it was a last second verse because you waited to the last second like some sort of oakland raider fan. mechanically sound with some cool imagery and concepts but lacked the depth im accustomed to reading from ya fella.
+1 Easy
and @Fresh can you namechange him to Exoduzt ffs
for most of the same reasons that everyone voted for easy I think he took this battle because he had a more complex structure and dope rhymes that were consistent throughout his verse........I think bonac could use some work and needs to tie in the topic a little more relevantly than he did....easy had a dope verse about the autumn and how it effects every person as a whole because it is the beginning of winter er wateva......thought it was a decent verse good job mate.......
vote: easy
Bonac you have a nice writing style, and I think with a bit more mechanics involved you could have made your verse next level, easily. This time around you faced Easy who had a cool narrative, clean transitions, progression and rhymes involved. it was a good battle but in the end, Easy covered your verse in a lot of categories. the creativity he instilled in his verse was the biggest deciding factor too.
Vote: Easy
Side Note: stop using this picture for topicals. this is the 4th time I've seen it now. lol