Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
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Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
well sir, it's nice to meet you finally.
vice versa, mademoiselle.
Not Exactly Powerless
The Alternate Finale
In the beginning...
Something made life just to note it was finished
And machines melted stone as the throne was diminished
Showing these limits as a sign that nobody reads
Growing the weeds with the roots just to focus the needs
Locusts could dream, the grass had a moment to gleam
Opening beams of nothing to shine more than they seem
Tortured, a moon is the symbol for the rest of the eve
Waking up in the morning, he was on a quest to redeem
The message was clean; clear cut in the heaviest themes
Letting thieves become 'men' just by stretching the seams
It's collective and the helpers took up sections for three
He was still being built...but he was destined to be...
(a leader)
...now he's arrived at point A...
So when shivering, there's a gnashing of teeth
For a man that could speak nothing 'til his mask is released
He laughs at deceit, folds as the napkins in(crease)
And wipes his face with the faith that he "has to" believe
So random, but in-tandem with the pedals of death
Never been setup to fail 'til he was catching his breath
And with a tear in the net, pain was fair and correct
Losing hope within this prison that he dares to protect
Scared to connect with another, rejecting like rubber
'Til love becomes the maze that he expects to discover
It's a spectacle, losing sight in the wave of the night
But the light still protrudes and they say that he's like...
(a leader)
...and he'll be at point B...
Swarming a map, plans begin to form an attack
The skull's intact, but the brain won't absorb what it lacks
It's so porous, it acts as the holes in our hearts
Exposing art through an image where the ocean is dark
He's open, he's kind...and there's a notion to find
A sense of vision and perception when the motion is blind
Groping the time, it's never been a passionate kiss
But the people meet the maker just to vanish and miss
Call him a savage, the average man is glad to express
His love at the last minute, but the damage is stressed
See, this machine was something; especially made
To delete and start again, so accept that he's great as...
(a leader)
...the last snow ends our miserable lives...
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...res/1robot.pngQuote:
Originally Posted by Revelations 2:27
...he's (a leader), but the world isn't seeking the Kingdom.
So uhh... guessing Mariah advances?
“The Last Snow”
yo,
.
.
I remember it perfectly .. my first December in Germany,
and the love of my life who would never return to me.
fences & burning trees, separated until death or insurgency,
stench throughout the air was so tremendous it hurt to breathe.
purchased free, left home in back of a giant truck,
under strict supervision of the man who was driving us.
packed in a silent bunch - half naked, skinny & pale
every one of us at once isn't tippin the scale,
and don't get me wrong; it's not a prisoner's tale,
because i'll never be confined to the limits of jail.
… Unloaded on arrival and set in a line,
me and her were separated due to gender divides,
head counts revealed that there were seventy nine,
young men ready to serve under General Heinz.
corn cob pipe smoking, on his waist was a sword,
pistol - left hand holster, posture straight as a board.
boots shinier than solar rays embracing the shore,
face was contorted into hatred as he gave us our chores.
labor was forced, those who refused it suddenly vanished,
had our body type noted and our muscles examined,
then assigned us to posts, gave some of us badges,
awards for achievements that my mother had granted.
more hungry than famished, first week rolled to an end,
couldn't sleep, just sat on cold floor feelin lonely instead.
emotional wreck - wonder where the women were taken,
and if we were existing now in similar places.
digging ditches in the day time, plotted tricks to escape this,
couldn't let this story end within this bitter enslavement.
Wintery rages swept the frost that littered the yard,
caused massive flurries in the air, made visibility hard -
waited til the time they re-position the guards,
slipped inside the first door they left a little ajar.
room hidden in dark, light switch flipped with a spark -
the sight sent a sinful trickle through my innocent heart.
sinister thoughts - melting flesh, leaking intestines,
surrounded by the fire as if Prometheus sent it.
steaming of engines, only Hell could house this machine
despite the chill outside, this room's a thousand degrees -
down on my knees - a couple teardrops turned into fits,
cuz the open oven brought the scent of man,
burnt to a crisp.
… Heard something click - ran to hide in the corner,
behind a chair, placed to witness this device for the tortured,
writhing with horror, saw 3 people enter inside -
first a masked man, my mother, then General Heinz.
they said, to see her son she attempted to bribe
an officer with sex, and was molested & tied.
beaten to a pulp, from her head to her thighs,
bruises on her bony legs & red in her eyes.
she appeared in a trance like a sedative high,
off in her own world, so she could pleasantly die,
the oven door opened .. i leapt with a cry,
unsheathed Heinz's blade, swept left to the right,
he fell, yet the other held aggressively tight
to her neck, shoved her quickly towards the deadliest light.
“Mama!”
and our eyes met .. for one final moment -
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...tures/fire.png
A girl who always taught her son to follow his dreams,
cremated by the powers of the Nazi regime.
simply walked out the door, to a shot in the spleen -
blanketed in snowflakes, softly falling for me.
because this snow isn't cold, or flying from heaven -
her ashes hugging my body,
The last snow was a mother's final sign of affection.
- Black
Mariah, fucking awesome read! I think the last stanza was my favorite by far. But they were all dope as fuck. The flow was smooth as fuck. Don't know what you were listening to, or if you were listening to anything, but this went ill as fuck over 'Get It Anyway' by Cypress Hill. The concept was pretty dope. Ending was cool. Loved it. My favorite piece from Mariah.
Blacketh, first two stanzas were dope as fuck dude. Flawless flow and the concept building was really close to the heart man. Seems like a halacaust love thing. Might be wrong... we'll see. Third stanza started fucking up flow wise imo. The Prometheus line really caught me off guard. And the next six lines were just like a roller coaster of rhymes lol.. before that line thought. It was pretty dope. But after that line. The stanza was weaker than the previous two imo. After the third stanza though, the ending of this piece was pretty dope dude. Emotional as fuck! Surprised me with the 'mother love/loss' situation. I was expecting romance between a couple for some reason. Sick concept though.
Both came with dope as fuck concepts. But had some SLIIIIIIICK flow. Close as fuck battle, best battle of the season imo...
Vote Mariah, by a SLIM line. I feel like Blacketh's concept was doper. But I feel like Mariah had the cleaner execution on hers. Could go either way as far as other votes go though.
wow, this is a pretty close battle...
Mariah, your content was imo.. more creaitve. you one-upped blacketh in that category.. your concept was dope, but maybe not quite as dope as his... both of you had sick flow... god damn.. I think your piece had a lot of highlights though. The concept itself is pretty tight.
So random, but in-tandem with the pedals of death
Never been setup to fail 'til he was catching his breath
And with a tear in the net, pain was fair and correct
Losing hope within this prison that he dares to protect
Scared to connect with another, rejecting like rubber
'Til love becomes the maze that he expects to discover
^prolly my favorite part.. that whole section was pretty dope imo. brought out a cool side to the idea... all in all.. I'd say this was a GREAT read..
Black.. damn man.. you, too.. flow was amazing.. as I said. I loved the idea behind it.. a bit more creative than mariahs.. your content wasn't as good as hers because you were actually telling a story rather than aiming for a bunch of creative ideas to wrap one larger one up... your story was sick though.. and I was pretty hooked.. I like the consistent usage of each character, and I loved that ending.. it just grabbed me from the get-go and never let go 'til it was time to stop reading.. the pic goes REALLY well with the idea.. and I thought the usage of "snow" in this was pretty sick.. all in all.. great read. props..
fuck man. neither of you really brought any flaws to the table for me that I want to nitpick or note. I seriously enjoyed both reads.. and I enjoyed certain qualities about each read more than the other... seems about even, and I fuckin' WISH I could vote for you both... but I gotta fuckin pick one...
before I do though? ya'll gotta know.. you both wrote better pieces than dagel and noodle this week.. in my eyes this was almost the champ match, haha...
two sick ideas... one executed in a way that I prefered.. with mariah, I was wow'ed by each line... with black... I was captivated by a story and couldn't let go of it.. like some gripping suspense novel... I think that because I was so into blacks from start to finish, and because I was so impressed with that ending?? I'm gonna have to vote...
Blariah....
I mean...
vote Blacketh, in a great fuckin battle that could in all reality go either way.
well h0m0z
i guess i should break this tie like a mothafuck.
editing in vote
MARIAH
Something made life just to note it was finished
cool paradox.. NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: im assumin this is some huuuge foreshadowing.. the leader is bad.
And machines melted stone as the throne was diminished
quick comment - something i always kind of slightly disliked a little bit about your writing.. you start building on somewhat vague imagery and such before you inject an actual concept for the reader to visualize.. its what ive always found slightly.. off a bit.. about your style. its cool to grasp the concept and then reread it again, but i think the lines have a more powerful impact the first time theyre read, and it would only help you if you elaborated on some imagery that you convey.. like "the throne was diminished".. as of now im thinking throne is a metaphro was something.. whose throne was diminished? human kinds? americas? the mole people? now i havent peeped the rest, but if it follows suit with the rest of your shit, itll probably continue to be somewhat vague until some ideas slowly begin to flesh out and we can put it all together. just something thats always botehred me a bit about your style and was never able to think of a way to convey what i thought until now. so yea. feedback right there.
Showing these limits as a sign that nobody reads
Growing the weeds with the roots just to focus the needs
like here again. these limits. said these like you already mentioned the limits, and needs even though "needs" is a relative term. whose needs? the machines who melt stone? the weeds? yea im harping on it, but i finally figured out that THIS is what bugs me about you. so im spillin it out yo. im sure itll all come together but for now, ill fill up the comment box with this stuff ha
Locusts could dream, the grass had a moment to gleam
Opening beams of nothing to shine more than they seem
dope flow until more than they seem.. the rhyme got simple there. and the wording of that phrase is kinda odd.. the beams are shining more than they seem? got the message across though i guess, so no love lost.. gettin the nature vibe from you right now
Tortured, a moon is the symbol for the rest of the eve
Waking up in the morning, he was on a quest to redeem
i like the segway into the actual storyline, with the whole moon/eve/bam morning, time to begin the timeline of the story thing.. nice device.
The message was clean; clear cut in the heaviest themes
Letting thieves become 'men' just by stretching the seams
It's collective and the helpers took up sections for three
He was still being built...but he was destined to be...
ha ok this was cool.. message was clean was forced for rhyme, but clear cut in the heaviest themes was dope. the themes werent really expanded upon though. back to my main point about your shit. by the way.. who woke up? now somebody is being built.. im going with he "woke up" as in hes being built.. one phrase could be a metaphor for the other. well see how this playz out
(a leader)
...now he's arrived at point A...
So when shivering, there's a gnashing of teeth
For a man that could speak nothing 'til his mask is released
He laughs at deceit, folds as the napkins in(crease)
And wipes his face with the faith that he "has to" believe
So random, but in-tandem with the pedals of death
Never been setup to fail 'til he was catching his breath
i feel like this is a young version of 'the leader'.. going through different emotional stages.. right here hes kinda a hot shot but people eventualy catch up to him.
And with a tear in the net, pain was fair and correct
Losing hope within this prison that he dares to protect
now hes self flagelatting. errr i wish i could get mroe out of this prison line. i feel like you started without a solid concept/image to build on.. i really dont have the character in my head or any huge amounts of depth to him, except a leader who is probably going to kill everything.. refer to my notes from the future. the prison line would be nice as hell if i could connect the word prison to an aspect of the piece...
Scared to connect with another, rejecting like rubber
'Til love becomes the maze that he expects to discover
this was nice as hell.. dope way to describe love..
It's a spectacle, losing sight in the wave of the night
But the light still protrudes and they say that he's like...
(a leader)
i feel like this is the leader going over to the dark side and is being corrupted... like i said, very poignant line. dope shit
i didnt want to breakdown this line by line because each line built upon itself so well. flow was fine, nothing forced, few dope inners, but i liked the build up of the leader.. the ending was VERY poignant.. great way to wrap it all up.. going back to this to break it down though in italics..
...and he'll be at point B...
Swarming a map, plans begin to form an attack
The skull's intact, but the brain won't absorb what it lacks
It's so porous, it acts as the holes in our hearts
Exposing art through an image where the ocean is dark
He's open, he's kind...and there's a notion to find
A sense of vision and perception when the motion is blind
Groping the time, it's never been a passionate kiss
But the people meet the maker just to vanish and miss
Call him a savage, the average man is glad to express
His love at the last minute, but the damage is stressed
this reminded me of some attrition shit.
See, this machine was something; especially made
To delete and start again, so accept that he's great as...
(a leader)
(about now im getting sick of typing out my interstitial comments)
...the last snow ends our miserable lives...
alright the concept that i have in my head of this piece.. is.. cue buzzword.. kinda vague. a leader that brings about the end/restart of society. and we just have to deal with it as a culture. the image of a literal machine running society as well as the metaphor behind it.. so that was very well done. i feel like this could also have a biblical twist behind it.. see my attrition comment, and the ending was all like the world isnt seeking a kingdom.. like kingdom of god. good commentary, because thats our culture today, turning a cheek from religion. and the bible quote too, but that really was irrelevant to that side of the coin except for the actual source of it. idk a lot of dimensions that are cool but none i can really pin down. otherwise flow was dope.. ill be back to your piece of course
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BLACKETH
I remember it perfectly .. my first December in Germany,
HA this gave it a vacation feel.. my first december in germany.. i actually wanna give you props for evoking that.
and the love of my life who would never return to me.
fences & burning trees, separated until death or insurgency,
stench throughout the air was so tremendous it hurt to breathe.
purchased free, left home in back of a giant truck,
under strict supervision of the man who was driving us.
just wanna say right now, your flow doesnt feel as natural and your meter is a bit off. uncharacteristic.. the giant truck/driving us lines were just straight bland and boring as well...
packed in a silent bunch - half naked, skinny & pale
every one of us at once isn't tippin the scale,
and don't get me wrong; it's not a prisoner's tale,
because i'll never be confined to the limits of jail.
the ending line was superb.. good emotion, and the description of the prisoners was very well done.. silent is an interesting word.. have the prisoners lost hope? i feel like i would be screaming in a truck, but the silent side gives it a sense of hopelessness..
… Unloaded on arrival and set in a line,
me and her were separated due to gender divides,
head counts revealed that there were seventy nine,
young men ready to serve under General Heinz.
corn cob pipe smoking, on his waist was a sword,
bumpy transition.. corn cob pipe.. interesting choice of accessory.. not sure what significance it has, but it stretched the flow a bit
pistol - left hand holster, posture straight as a board.
boots shinier than solar rays embracing the shore,
dope imagery, dope wording. mostly the last line
face was contorted into hatred as he gave us our chores.
chores seems like too light of a word to say.. has a middle school connotation. ya feel? but whatever, fits the sceme, not a huge deal
labor was forced, those who refused it suddenly vanished,
forced labor is a much better term to use
had our body type noted and our muscles examined,
you are painting a superbly accurate picture right now.. this is exactly what they did in camps. see if men were fit or not, divided the genders up.. very well done
then assigned us to posts, gave some of us badges,
awards for achievements that my mother had granted.
more hungry than famished, first week rolled to an end,
couldn't sleep, just sat on cold floor feelin lonely instead.
emotional wreck - wonder where the women were taken,
and if we were existing now in similar places.
digging ditches in the day time, plotted tricks to escape this,
couldn't let this story end within this bitter enslavement.
cool flow, cool emotion. solid ending to the stanza, nothing superb, but solid
Wintery rages swept the frost that littered the yard,
caused massive flurries in the air, made visibility hard -
waited til the time they re-position the guards,
slipped inside the first door they left a little ajar.
what buildign was he going into? a little bit lack of imagery, but you could just be wanting the reader to use their imagination.. so i will ;)
room hidden in dark, light switch flipped with a spark -
the sight sent a sinful trickle through my innocent heart.
sinister thoughts - melting flesh, leaking intestines,
surrounded by the fire as if Prometheus sent it.
ahhhh take back that part, you set up the twist well.. entering an unknown room as it was unknown to the character what was inside.. pure debauchery.
steaming of engines, only Hell could house this machine
despite the chill outside, this room's a thousand degrees -
down on my knees - a couple teardrops turned into fits,
cuz the open oven brought the scent of man,
burnt to a crisp.
dope imagery
… Heard something click - ran to hide in the corner,
behind a chair, placed to witness this device for the tortured,
writhing with horror, saw 3 people enter inside -
first a masked man, my mother, then General Heinz.
they said, to see her son she attempted to bribe
an officer with sex, and was molested & tied.
beaten to a pulp, from her head to her thighs,
bruises on her bony legs & red in her eyes.
she appeared in a trance like a sedative high,
off in her own world, so she could pleasantly die,
really dope dude... you are painting a fucking picture right now
the oven door opened .. i leapt with a cry,
unsheathed Heinz's blade, swept left to the right,
he fell, yet the other held aggressively tight
to her neck, shoved her quickly towards the deadliest light.
“Mama!”
and our eyes met .. for one final moment -
A girl who always taught her son to follow his dreams,
cremated by the powers of the Nazi regime.
simply walked out the door, to a shot in the spleen -
wtf shot in the spleen i didnt get this.. but my mind is almost made up for the voting anyway... so ill just kinda ignore it.
blanketed in snowflakes, softly falling for me.
because this snow isn't cold, or flying from heaven -
her ashes hugging my body,
The last snow was a mother's final sign of affection.
fucking beautiful. you had a lot of descriptions about the snow and wintery moments in the beginning of your piece and it accentuated the ending superbly..
emotion
blacketh. goes without saying
flow
tie yo.. blackeths wasnt as good at the beginning, so mariah beats him by a hair.. i guess.. but really doesnt affect the final outcome, so ill call it a tie
imagery
black. the accuracy of the events that occured in the camps is far too much to ignore.
concept
mariahs was cool and multifaceted.. but vague yo.. maybe i missed something, but really she never built an ultimate image for me to go back to and reference everything. that was t ruly the downfall of her this week.. blacketh told a pretty basic story to be honest.. so i mean if mariah executed better id give it to her.. so stalemate.
black KILLLED the emotion.. the final snow thing.. the historical accuracy of the camps.. the imagery... PS. i hope nothing just soared over my head on mariahs piece :(.. but i have to get this vote in
and ive said what i had to say
v - blacketh
Mariah
This seems to be about a "rebellious" god or leadership figure that sorta comes into his own to take the position he was destined to take, sorta like The Lion King hahah. It's really a nice idea and the picture does fit, though it seems the title was enough for me. Liked the quote from Revelations, brought some umph to the ending for me...great job with the flow here, I really think you've come to prove yourself here and I, for one, am impressed with what you've accomplished win or lose. I loved this though...
...jealousy set in at this point, I really loved the image of this "leader" struggling to survive and work his way through the muck and grime that he has to get through just so he can meet fruition. The idea here was awesome, execution was damn good, though some of the lines weren't WOW status, it came together nicely in the end. Thanks for the read.Quote:
So random, but in-tandem with the pedals of death
Never been setup to fail 'til he was catching his breath
And with a tear in the net, pain was fair and correct
Losing hope within this prison that he dares to protect
Blacketh
For me, the flow was impeccable man, you're really spot on with that shit consistently over and over and I applaud that for sure. I think going with such a storyline-based piece was a good contrast from Mariah's because we get to see something completely opposite from her piece, though she had a story-esque feel, yours was much more of a story. I liked a lot of this, some of the storytelling goes into so much detail that I feel like it's dragging, but that's almost nitpicking since it also seems necessary for the most part too. I am unsure what to really say negatively to your piece too, you came nice here...
...Jesus H. Christ man, the innocent heart line is absolute flames, I fucking loathe your for that haha. I think for me, your piece was a little bit less wowing, but held a better concept overall creativity wise and because of that, you make my decision fucking hard and I hate you for that. :love:Quote:
room hidden in dark, light switch flipped with a spark -
the sight sent a sinful trickle through my innocent heart.
sinister thoughts - melting flesh, leaking intestines,
surrounded by the fire as if Prometheus sent it.
So, ok for me, I was more in shock at how clean both verses were, but Mariah really surprised me with her verse and I think that in some parts Blacketh was rushed, as noted by his lateness, so I assume he had to put less time in than usual. I think Mariah edges it with a better written, though less creative piece...while Blacketh was dope as fuck, but I don't think the piece really brought me in.
v/Mariah (this is probably the closest match i voted on all season)
In the beginning...
Something made life just to note it was finished
And machines melted stone as the throne was diminished
Showing these limits as a sign that nobody reads
Growing the weeds with the roots just to focus the needs
Locusts could dream, the grass had a moment to gleam
Opening beams of nothing to shine more than they seem
Tortured, a moon is the symbol for the rest of the eve
Waking up in the morning, he was on a quest to redeem
The message was clean; clear cut in the heaviest themes
Letting thieves become 'men' just by stretching the seams
It's collective and the helpers took up sections for three
He was still being built...but he was destined to be...
(a leader)
-bulit huh.. this is interesting to me.. Im not sure exactly what is up.. but I get the sense this is going to be a man and machine future tale.. where the world needs to be saved maybe.. good flow so far
...now he's arrived at point A...
So when shivering, there's a gnashing of teeth
For a man that could speak nothing 'til his mask is released
He laughs at deceit, folds as the napkins in(crease)
And wipes his face with the faith that he "has to" believe
So random, but in-tandem with the pedals of death
Never been setup to fail 'til he was catching his breath
And with a tear in the net, pain was fair and correct
Losing hope within this prison that he dares to protect
Scared to connect with another, rejecting like rubber
'Til love becomes the maze that he expects to discover
It's a spectacle, losing sight in the wave of the night
But the light still protrudes and they say that he's like...
(a leader)
Ok.. my thoughts here.. liked the "has to" belive.. Im kind of lost as to what this section was about tbh.. like the prison line.. I take that this was focused more on character build up and leading into whats to come.. so I will stay patient and wait.. nice flow and rhyme schmes in this section as well
...and he'll be at point B...
Swarming a map, plans begin to form an attack
The skull's intact, but the brain won't absorb what it lacks
It's so porous, it acts as the holes in our hearts
Exposing art through an image where the ocean is dark
He's open, he's kind...and there's a notion to find
A sense of vision and perception when the motion is blind
Groping the time, it's never been a passionate kiss
But the people meet the maker just to vanish and miss
Call him a savage, the average man is glad to express
His love at the last minute, but the damage is stressed
See, this machine was something; especially made
To delete and start again, so accept that he's great as...
(a leader)
...the last snow ends our miserable lives...
ok.. I like the brain wont absorb what it lacks.. now that it's over I get the feeling the leader concept was what you were taking on here.. the way a machine is 'built up' like a machine.. kind of touched on a few ideas and concepts in society here.. the only thing I will say I didn't care for was that style was very abstract and I feel like alot of it might have went over my head.. I don't know.. It had really good flow.. some good concepts and a nice metaphoric theme behind it all.. just kind of had me a little too confused
and now onto blacks verse
I remember it perfectly .. my first December in Germany,
and the love of my life who would never return to me.
fences & burning trees, separated until death or insurgency,
stench throughout the air was so tremendous it hurt to breathe.
purchased free, left home in back of a giant truck,
under strict supervision of the man who was driving us.
packed in a silent bunch - half naked, skinny & pale
every one of us at once isn't tippin the scale,
and don't get me wrong; it's not a prisoner's tale,
because i'll never be confined to the limits of jail.
Ok man.. there we go.. really sick multi schemes used well.. good story telling style.. nice opener section
… Unloaded on arrival and set in a line,
me and her were separated due to gender divides,
head counts revealed that there were seventy nine,
young men ready to serve under General Heinz.
corn cob pipe smoking, on his waist was a sword,
pistol - left hand holster, posture straight as a board.
boots shinier than solar rays embracing the shore,
face was contorted into hatred as he gave us our chores.
labor was forced, those who refused it suddenly vanished,
had our body type noted and our muscles examined,
then assigned us to posts, gave some of us badges,
awards for achievements that my mother had granted.
more hungry than famished, first week rolled to an end,
couldn't sleep, just sat on cold floor feelin lonely instead.
emotional wreck - wonder where the women were taken,
and if we were existing now in similar places.
digging ditches in the day time, plotted tricks to escape this,
couldn't let this story end within this bitter enslavement.
yeah same as previous section.. very straight forward narative style.. the flow and the rhymes really all make this smooth as hell.. def that section where you described the general and used the same end rhyme scheme like 6 times and kept it all on his description.. that takes skill
Wintery rages swept the frost that littered the yard,
caused massive flurries in the air, made visibility hard -
waited til the time they re-position the guards,
slipped inside the first door they left a little ajar.
room hidden in dark, light switch flipped with a spark -
the sight sent a sinful trickle through my innocent heart.
sinister thoughts - melting flesh, leaking intestines,
surrounded by the fire as if Prometheus sent it.
steaming of engines, only Hell could house this machine
despite the chill outside, this room's a thousand degrees -
down on my knees - a couple teardrops turned into fits,
cuz the open oven brought the scent of man,
burnt to a crisp.
… Heard something click - ran to hide in the corner,
behind a chair, placed to witness this device for the tortured,
writhing with horror, saw 3 people enter inside -
first a masked man, my mother, then General Heinz.
they said, to see her son she attempted to bribe
an officer with sex, and was molested & tied.
beaten to a pulp, from her head to her thighs,
bruises on her bony legs & red in her eyes.
she appeared in a trance like a sedative high,
off in her own world, so she could pleasantly die,
the oven door opened .. i leapt with a cry,
unsheathed Heinz's blade, swept left to the right,
he fell, yet the other held aggressively tight
to her neck, shoved her quickly towards the deadliest light.
“Mama!”
and our eyes met .. for one final moment -
A girl who always taught her son to follow his dreams,
cremated by the powers of the Nazi regime.
simply walked out the door, to a shot in the spleen -
blanketed in snowflakes, softly falling for me.
because this snow isn't cold, or flying from heaven -
her ashes hugging my body,
The last snow was a mother's final sign of affection
Wow.. that was hard.. hit like a ton of bricks.. it's amazing how fucked up the horrors of the nazi's really where.. you did a great job with this topic.. everything came off very realistic.. and the flow and rhymeschemes were killer man
Vote- Black.. I connected with his writing style better.. nevertheless a really good match.. good luck to both
Mar- This was a pretty dope concept..at first i thought you were going with the man in the iron mask approach with a king stuck inside a prison, but that wasn't not the case at all lol. I felt a nice earthy vibe in the first part of the piece and that second part started getting more industrial. I liked how you ended it with the Revelations quote and made it seem like this will one day lead to are deaths without us even choosing it to. I like the visuals
So when shivering, there's a gnashing of teeth
For a man that could speak nothing 'til his mask is released
Sick loving it. The flow was also good in this piece also, but i did feel it fall off a little bit towards the middle but you for sure picked it up in the end overal it was a very good one for sure.
BlackO- Alright so you went with the narrative style approach and you pulled it off perfectly. I loved all the visuals you gave into this piece and made it really come to life. You also I felt had the emotional part of the character down and made me really feel kinda attached to the character. This is not the amazing blacketh flow i am used to reading but it was still up there for sure. I really liked the depth you put into the story also, and ended it on such a wow note.
because this snow isn't cold, or flying from heaven -
her ashes hugging my body,
The last snow was a mother's final sign of affection
I was just really in awe at this ending right here. It wrapped up the story perfectly and also complimented the picture.
So this was a very hard battle, both of you had compelling topicals. I felt like Mariah came with more of a message or awareness type of piece while i think that black came with i more storytelling piece. You both had good flows also and both had the emotion down pact so really it just comes down to which piece i liked more. It really does suck that you both cant move on but
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Vote...Blacketh
Just the one I enjoyed more
Awesome match you guys. Sorry for the delay.
Blacketh is in the finals.