Introductory Verse

Tryna make that old money/ but it's cold and the roads bumpy/
so if it goes hit the floor dummy/ can't take my soul and the flow from me/
watch me go up in/ give you crack not up your nose but the cokes coming/
you can find me kinda early/ riding kinda dirty/
got some lines inside my jersey/ and a couple of x/
and a nine you try, u heard me/ you want trouble who's next/
cos i'm just writing rhymes and working/ tryna double these checks/
yet all these mighty mice keep lurking tryna fuck with the s/ t
hat I got up on my chest/ cos when I bust i'm the best/
born and raised in a ruff place/ where many are tuff days/
want avoid altercations then it's better you tuck chains/
a waste to call the cops becos the red and blue such lames/
they never do much mayne/ except sweat you for chump change/
while every fuckin' day another dead on the front page/
cos most in a space where it's hard to feel anything but hate/
but where's everything just great/ find that and show me the place/
i've said this but now I mean it, i'm back, the shoulders rip chains/
cos I don't waste time bitch/ so if hip hop's alive it's time you faced i'm it/

reply to two other pieces and post the links in here or theyll close it.

this was like a rollercoaster, sometimes it was kinda hot sometimes it kinda jus went on. you have a cool mellow rhyme scheme and a certain way to say things but then you lose it

(Tryna make that old money/ but it's cold and the roads bumpy/ so if it goes hit the floor dummy/ can't take my soul and the flow from me)

its hot then it seems like all filler until

(born and raised in a ruff place/ where many are tuff days/ want avoid altercations then it's better you tuck chains/ a waste to call the cops becos the red and blue such lames/ they never do much mayne/ except sweat you for chump change/ while every fuckin' day another dead on the front page/ cos most in a space where it's hard to feel anything but hate/ but where's everything just great)

its hot and then the end fell off.

up the vocab and make sure every line is hot, no fillers, it might be real and it might be hard but it might not be a good rap line, feel me?

but get those links quick, decent for a first drop

Thanx for the feedback man, appreciate it. Yea, i fuck around a lot on a verse, don't really think, just write. Replied to two piece, yours and some dude called doop, kept it a kinda short cos shit's a bit tight when you replying from a mobile phone.

this shit was pretty decent, good flow n all that, you should drop this on audio, it would do it a lot more justice.. keep droppin on here though, this forum needs more verses like this, i'm tired of readin these dragged out bars on this shit hahaha

you should peep this piece though, it's long since there's 5 dudes spittin, but you'll be a better a man for readin this ill shit http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ep-388043.html

pretty nice for a quick intro. I think the flow was the best part. I think you would be way better writing to a set topic, you seem like your story skills could be up there, anyways some straight bars in there, but it seemed too typical of introductory verse to me.. the potential had definitely showed though, stick around fam. keep an eye out for one of my drops too..

Tight coulda worded it better and siwtched shit around but as you said you dont really think while you write. So its pretty good for straight freestyle

Thanx for the feedback ya'll. With get at your shit now Smoke, just give me a sec. 1.