Tell Me Lies

http://i12.tinypic.com/2rge49d.jpg
[FONT="palatino linotype]crude and rechid, worldwide theres cases of genocide
it was do or die, i chose suicide, to be immune when they'd tell me lies.

.
..
.

im dosed up, back on the wall in front of this cloaked fuck
shroud of the devil, we met and settled, then we smoked up
most chose the life of jesus, bologna, I say fuck the holy..
bible, scriptures, Christian pictures and matrimony
the “under”world is cold, not the hell hole we depict
no demons and torture pits, not a flame up in this bitch
not that my words slipped, you dip’s just got it twisted
heaven’s a piece of myth, that shit has never existed

.
..
.

once the clock stops tickin’, your sins will soon result…
in the afterlife of drugs, your sober side will not revolt
you’ll be subdued inside a cubicle, twirlin’ at your thumbs
eatin’ at the bag of coke, just to get your gums a numb
to the world your just a crumb, a stain upon the sheets
that society has pissed on, and tossed across the streets
to be deceased is a relief, your own demise would be so wise
to shade you from the hate, and leash you from the lies
that are existent in your lives, you can run but cannot hide
they’ll thrust upon you from behind and crush you like a tide

.
..
.

Ignorance is bliss, the mortal world is full of shit
It will strain till you submit, suicide you shall commit
in hell you will find zen, to not would sure be doubtful
bit off more than can be chewed, back then I had a mouthful
gotten sour like the kraut do, I spit it out into the dusk
sniffin' powder with the devil, cuz' the worlds too much to trust

1.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-351507.html
2.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ac-351459.html
[/FONT]

Okay I thought ths was pretty dope. It was definately an original concept. The first verse and last verse where real nice. I can tell you prolly been doin this for sumtime. You got that multi shit down pat too...

Quote:

---

in hell you will find zen, to not would sure be doubtful
bit off more than can be chewed, back then I had a mouthful
gotten sour like the kraut do, I spit it out into the dusk
sniffin' powder with the devil, cuz' the worlds too much to trust

---

Those^ were my favorite bars, the last line was ill.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-351703.html

Hit that^ up man, peace.

Nice read, man. Truly some pretty good writing there are several parts that stood out, but to me, as a whole this spoke to me. Has to do with my mindset about the world, too, it reflects a good understanding of that, and I like how you used that picture to kind of go into the examination of a man's role in it all, especially one who looks so downtrodden... which i guess is why you advise him to kill himself, LoL...

Quote:

---

im dosed up, back on the wall in front of this cloaked fuck
shroud of the devil, we met and settled, then we smoked up

---

^^always love a drug reference, LoL.

Quote:

---

the “under”world is cold, not the hell hole we depict
no demons and torture pits, not a flame up in this bitch

---

\

Your idea of hell is kind of strange to me, I can see you're trying to say it's not what is told, but, I'm not sure what you think it is, then, or if you're saying Earh is Hell.

Quote:

---

to the world your just a crumb, a stain upon the sheets
that society has pissed on, and tossed across the streets
to be deceased is a relief, your own demise would be so wise
to shade you from the hate, and leash you from the lies

---

Also really enjoyed that section, good way to put it.

Quote:

---

in hell you will find zen, to not would sure be doubtful
bit off more than can be chewed, back then I had a mouthful

---

That was probly my fav part of it all, i liked how this ended, you seem to say death must surely be better...

I tend to agree. nice read.

RTF when u can.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ou-352012.html

replied to both of your peices. thanks.

and up.

Overall this was a very well written piece..you had the multi's downpact...great emotion word choice...and imagery...I kinda got that hell on earth type of feeling while reading this with your references to the devil and hell..yet your character was still alive...

Quote:

---

to the world your just a crumb, a stain upon the sheets
that society has pissed on, and tossed across the streets
to be deceased is a relief, your own demise would be so wise
to shade you from the hate, and leash you from the lies

---

I really enjoyed this part of the drop..it was so realistic..and contained a lot of emotion and imagery that I mentioned above..kinda like how Biggie said your'e nobody till somebody kills you type vibe...good shit..

Overall I really enjoyed this..and I am now seeing your true talent as a writer..as you have now shook the rust....good drop...and great read..props.

thanks Ntalek

bumpo

Thanks for the sig.

Wording was straight man. Placement and choice of words was flawless in each sentence. Different style of writing. Cool shit. Flow was nice, slid off of my tongue very nicely. And overall it worked out very very well. No bumps or anything man. Imagery was pretty cool. Painted more images in my head then the one you posted, that's for damn sure lol. Emotion was tight to, keep me reading, kept me enjoyed. Nice piece, keep writing bruh.

gracias

bump

some deep stuff here... first of all your flow is really smooth and consistent.. one of the better flows I seen on this site so far. Multies were eh.. ok but I'd love to see longer and bigger ones. What really stood out was the content, and the emotion ya put into it.. really good. One of the better drops I seen here.. not much impressed me around here but I see some hope.

And can ya return the feed here? seems like ppl are ignorin me...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ol-352440.html