Stopped Time

Stopped Time


It is an undescribable pain from the inside to the out
when what u do to everyone is with questionable doubt
now please try and define the line between good and evil
cuz in a sense i swayed on the thiness of bein decietfull
quite sometime ago my wife passed and i lost my mind
decided to try & reverse time in order of fasion undesigned
thought by reversing time i would be able to stop her death
but the process...stopped...and it was an enevitable step
looked around to see everyone frozen in unoderly fashion
stuned and dazed and this is when the world came crashin
I walked and walked as everone stood still, not a 1 twitchin
rushed home wishin, but found my wife frozen in the kitchen
"HONEY!, HONEY!" is what i screamed as i lunged out for her
looking deep into her eyes to see nothing but a dazed blurr
shaking her, and still not a stir, and that is when I broke down
fell on the ground cryin at her feet, but she didnt hear a sound
wiped tears from my eyes, in surprise, i gave 1 final kiss in shame
went back..emptynes?,a whisper "TumTum".."Who said my name?"


Sequal????.......Mayyyyyybe


dont close this im gettin my 2 links now

here my 2 links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244424
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241887

one thing that stood out in this piece was the vocab.. very nice job on the vocab, wordplay was nice, flow and structure were both very good. one thing that there werent any or very little of multi's.. try adding some of em in future om's, it makes an om generally better, in my opinion. overall 8/10

sick shit

I go with tucks but you can write more, well to me,good drop styll peace

nice shit mine,had some smooth flowness to it,nice ryhme scheme,the emotion was decent couldve been a little better but its cool i sat well with the piece,the imagery was quite expressive so props on that...good vocab also-and structure...anyways good shit man.peace

thanks all....now up and leave decent feed please and ill return some feed on yours as well

Quote:

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Originally Posted by -=|TumTum|=-

Stopped Time


It is an undescribable pain from the inside to the out
when what u do to everyone is with questionable doubtnow please try and define the line between good and evil
^^^Dope opener, i liked them 1st two lines-good 1

cuz in a sense i swayed on the thiness of bein decietfull
quite sometime ago my wife passed and i lost my mind
decided to try & reverse time in order of fasion undesigned
thought by reversing time i would be able to stop her death
but the process...stopped...and it was an enevitable step
^^^Got some nice rhymes homs, vocab is ok to.

looked around to see everyone frozen in unoderly fashion
stuned and dazed and this is when the world came crashin
I walked and walked as everone stood still, not a 1 twitchin
rushed home wishin, but found my wife frozen in the kitchen
"HONEY!, HONEY!" is what i screamed as i lunged out for her
looking deep into her eyes to see nothing but a dazed blurr
shaking her, and still not a stir, and that is when I broke down
fell on the ground cryin at her feet, but she didnt hear a sound
wiped tears from my eyes, in surprise, i gave 1 final kiss in shame
went back..emptynes?,a whisper "TumTum".."Who said my name?"


Sequal????.......Mayyyyyybe


dont close this im gettin my 2 links now

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Now here's a person i wanna collab with!!
This was an amazing piece for me, your vocab was good and strong and your rhymes were on point. I would of liked to of red mo of this piece but this was nice, keep it up

..That shit was ill, forreal...Props to you nigga,
vocab was complex, Flow was str8 and you just
was killin it.....1

thANKS UPPIN

up for more feed please