G-Block

as the day begun
i was still spun and on the run/
in a state of paranoia ,quick to grab da gun/
with money on my mind, and a criminal grind
i was assigned to sell dimes
n kicked intricate ryhmes to pass the time
afta awhil i noticed my pockets incline
dats when the jeolus men wuld try to dstroy me
but envy destroys the best
they was hatin cuz they seen wut i was makin
maybe they mad cuz all da females was tyn to date me
i asked the lord to save me
i fell back
kept a mindstate ready to attack
roll up in a black ac
wit a loaded gat
put the smack down
walked away wearin a crown
seein fools bow down
but they all steadily plottin
to see they peers droppin
realli they just eavesdroppin
so next time stay out my conversation
u safer at home playn playsation
cuz i be at Grove St.
think twice b4 u speak
say the wrong thing get put in a coffin by next week
cuz aint no room in dis world for da weak
play ur cards rite n dont be discrete

ITS TO EASY i call it 3rd grade ryhmes but keep it up.

yup..be more complex/make ur lines a lil bit longer...
and get a better topic

but ull get it

kinda lookd like a poem?..but w/e

neways

u need 2 LINKS or ur shit will get CLOSED

so go leave FB on pplz shit

i thought you had some good moments, but still need some work.
you need to apply better transition lines to keep the flow going a little smoother. not bad though. I also agree that you need to up your rhymes. The vocab was alright just try to use some metaphors and other literary tools.
Keep it up yo.........

You need 2 links to 2 open mics you've left decent feedback on or this will be closed. Read the thead at the top of the forum if you don't know how. If you up this again without leaving links it will be closed.

strcuutre was off and samewith flow....rhymes were aight a lil simple....i see sum potential in you...topic was cool....vocab was a bit weak...jus keep elevating on all basic rappin skillz and become better like is aid you can e good if you put a lil more effort and imprive..peace

I didnt really like this one either lol, your structure needs work. i dont like the gang related type shit, its wack as fuck. work on ur gangsta talk too, cuz you suck at it. let people know that your at least 1% blood or something, cuz that is not persuasive at all.

^^"Eh, mr. gangster, please don't hurt me, eehh! I'm a scared little boy who raps about my hood, Sesame Street"

But 4 real, what was with the "Grove St." stuff, that was retarded....but other than that, the song was okay.

drop ur links homie
and the imagry in this was weak, u need more complexity in ur rhymes , u need better wordplay and better topics with real emotion , this was basic , and body can write or rhyme the word run
ex. run , sun , fun , gun
but u want to be more creative if ur gonna use the word run
ex. police chase me , on probation so im forced to run
drive off in my car , speeding like im a bullet from a gun
cracks an addiction and adicts theres a billion

so just make better OM's
5/10

the main things i thought was wrong with this was that the flow was choppy as hell at the middle of it, your lines need to be a lil more even, this will help keep the flow goin, i feel that you could have also chosen a topic a lil more interesting, keep elevating and droppin dog

not very good everything was horrible but elevate keep at